Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Best Friends…
By Lissa Matthews
Do you remember all the awkwardness of those situations? Especially when break-ups occur. My daughter, she’s 16, has had horrid luck with boys. I mean…were they ALWAYS this fickle? I know it’s always been said that girls are fickle, but dear heavens, I wasn’t and my friends weren’t nearly this wishy-washy when I was in high school as the guys are nowadays. Even the guys weren’t this idiotic. Were they? Maybe they were…
My daughter’s latest guy drama, and believe me, she doesn’t like drama of ANY KIND. No girl drama. And definitely no guy drama. She’s not afraid to tell you to take a hike when she’s had enough. Anyway, the latest guy drama is her ex-boyfriend’s best friend wants to date her. He’s even asked the ex-boyfriend if it would be okay for him to date her. Ex-boyfriend is great with it, but then… of course he is. He’s got a new girlfriend, even though when he broke up with my daughter—over Facebook—he told her there wasn’t another girl, there wasn’t going to be another girl, he just wanted to be on his own for a while… Yeah. Right. Uh huh. How many times did you hear that story when a boyfriend broke up with you? How many times did I hear that story?
Oh, you’re still stuck on the broke up over Facebook comment? Yeah, ya gotta love modern technology and social media. I’m gonna use that in one of my books. I’ve just got to. It’s not because I am using her pain as a jumping off point, but seriously… It’s just too good to pass up. Some anti-hero on a book does that to the heroine… Next, there will be a break up over Twitter, first in a direct message, then in a public message. There’s no tact, no concern for someone’s feelings. It sucks. When it happened to my daughter, it hurt her. Deeply. Made her cry which made me want to drive over to his house and punch him, flatten his car tires, egg and toilet paper his house, among other things… I didn’t. I sat with her as she cried. I cried too.
It’s not just social media though that creates this little bit of…disconcerting distance and inability to communicate effectively, communicate face to face. My cousin was broken up with over text message, another friend broken up with in email. (I have used those in books.) Back in high school, it was done in a note passed from one classmate to another and another and another until it got to you. At school when they have to see you, they can always try to avoid you, but you know how to get them to at least face you, even if you have to make a scene. Now, you can just be put on ignore when they don’t want that confrontation.
I know I always tried to do it face to face, though, it’s harder that way, more painful. But as far as my daughter is concerned though, it should never be cool for the ex’s best friend to go after the ex’s ex-girlfriend. She says it’s awkward. She doesn’t like it. She doesn’t want to be put in the position of having to say yes or no. Friends yes. Dating. Not so much. And she doesn’t want another broken heart. Facebook jerk really hurt her and it took her a while to get over it.
So, did you ever date your ex-boyfriend’s best friend? Did he ever date your best friend? Did your best friend and his best friend ever date? How did you handle those awkward moments? My ex-boyfriend didn’t exactly date my best friend, but they were quite ‘close’. I didn’t handle that well. Not so much with him, but I had serious issues with her for a while after that.
C’mon now, dish y’all!
I have to thank Delilah for having me on her blog. It’s awesome being here.
And now, a little about me… My name is Lissa Matthews and I write kinky contemporary erotic romance. My next release is later this month, on August 24th and is coming from Samhain Publishing. It’s my first shifter and is titled Arctic Shift. It is the first in a 3 novella series, Denali Heat about werebears… Polar Bears. I’ve included the cover and the blurb for it here for you.
Again, thanks to Delilah for having me and to all of you for reading my little post. Have a wonderful week!
~lissa
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She believes in myths…can she believe in destiny?
Denali Heat, Book 1
Unlike her adventurous sister, Ruby is perfectly content to let her mind be the wanderlust while her body stays safely in Chicago. Melanie wouldn’t be out of touch this long without a damned good reason, though. Which means it’s time for a giant step outside her comfort zone.
While Denali National Park is like another planet, the myths and legends that saturate this wild land are right up her alley. The wilderness guide waiting for her—naked in her bed—looks about as safe as a polar bear.
Carson’s people are kin to the great beast, right down to the white hair. Before Ruby ever set foot in Alaska, his inner bear knew that Melanie’s little sister was his mate. He’s doing his level best not to let his primal needs scare her, but everything about her sends his urge to possess her into overdrive.
To his surprise, revealing he’s a shifter only stimulates her innate curiosity. Warming her with the perfect fire of their lovemaking, easy. Convincing her that real love isn’t a myth—and making her want to stay in his home, his bed, his heart—now, that’s a problem…
Warning: cozy flannel PJs, a naked shifter, incredible food and some fireside sex hot enough to melt the polar ice caps…
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Aw, great post. So sorry about your daughter. I agree, boys are really fickle these days.
Sorry, I can’t give you any stories about my teenage love life, it was pretty non existant.
I have a sister who was far more pretty and interesting than me and she got all the boys. I was good friends with lots of boys and could hang out with them…no problems. But dating? Nope. Nada. Sigh.
Finally, when I was 22 I met the love of my life and we’ve been married now for 32 years.
Valerie
in Germany
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Oh I have had similar happen. My best friend of 8 years decided to have some fun with my boyfriend of 2 years! I told them both off on the spot and never talked to either again! I ran into my best friend at the mall like 5 years later I was married and had kids already and she tried acting like everything was fine. I introduced her to my Husband as a “Sl*t who doesn’t give a sh*t about anyone but herself” and moved on. I think its horrible how things happen nowadays it’s to exposed and sets up hurt for others on unimaginable levels.
Looking forward to reading your book! Thanks for being here!
~Julie
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I married my ex-husband’s best friend!
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Great post Lissa!!
I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this. I think in general boys/guys are both fickle and bold. As for technology, in many instances it’s great. In the case of breaking up via Facebook/Text/Email… well, that’s just chicken shit as far as I’m concerned. At the very least have enough self respect to do it face to face.
Way back in high school I actually went through something similar. After my boyfriend broke up with me his friends came sniffing around. I was friends with them via my ex and they approached me about dating. My ex didn’t know about this. I turned all of them down. I wasn’t going to deal with the drama and I wasn’t going to be the cause of any discord between friends. My advice to her would be continue a friendship with the friend of the ex, but don’t go any further.
However, there is a flip side to the situation (which comes about because of age, I never would have thought of it at 16). If she likes his friend and thinks if they take it slow she could be happy with him then she should consider it. The best revenge against the Facebook loser would be for her to be happy in a good relationship with his friend!! She shouldn’t do it just for the revenge factor, but it’s definitely an added benefit!!
I wish you both the best of luck!! She’s going to go through stuff like this and you’re an awesome mom for being so supportive.
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Great comments!!! I love it! My daughter is maintaining friendship with the ex’s friend and he’s still doggedly pursuing her. She’s of the mind that she won’t find anyone worth anything until she’s older and she’s okay with that. I have to hand it to her, she handles it much more maturely than I ever did at her age. Heck, she handles it much more maturely than people my current age.
I have to say though, I’m thrilled she feels she can talk to me, confide in, come to me with anything. I was never able to do that with my mom…
Thanks Julie! I’m looking forward to the book coming out in a couple of weeks. Am a little nervous about it, too.
Lissa
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Great post, Lissa! I hate the whole breaking up via text, Facebook-anything other than face to face. It’s so…cowardly. Just man up (even if you’re a girl) and do it in person-unless you’re breaking up with a psycho, in which case it’s fine to just disappear.
Congrats on your new shifter series! And can I just say the guy on your cover can shift over in my direction anytime? *G*
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Hi Lisa,
Love the post. I think its awesome your daughter can talk so open with you! Teens nowadays think their parents are aliens and we as parents sometimes wonder where we went wrong. I have a very close relationship with my 4 grown children; even as teens altho there was times I wanted to knock em through a wall…but I didn’t. I told my daughter – never let a boy tell you if you love you will let me. She started dating this boy and at sixteen was proud she was a virgin. But then he started pressuring her. Broke up with her, broke her heart. Then she changed her mind, gave herself to him and then he still broke her heart. I had to pick her from school – she was sick to her stomach. The good thing is, this incident made her a stronger young woman and after that she didn’t take any male’s sh*t.
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My daughter had a boyfriend once tell her that he’d wait until she was 16 to ‘deflower’ her, to put in romance terms. Needless to say, he didn’t last long around here. And his declaration never came to pass.
I got my hair cut the other day and so did my daughter. She’s got this gorgeous auburn hair under the black dye she insists on having. The hairdresser and I were talking about that and… hairdresser wisdom she said ‘If her coloring her hair black is the ONLY thing you’ve got to worry about with her as a teen, then you’ve got nothing to worry about’. I thought about that and you know, she was right… that’s all I’ve had to worry about. I don’t have to worry about teen pregnancy, drugs, drinking, etc… I’m good with that.
And yeah, Brenda, she comes to me with all kinds of issues, but… it’s interesting and sometimes I have to do a double take when she asks me questions about bisexuality, because one of her best friends is openly so and is teased mercilessly at school for it, and another friend is in a friends with benefits relationship because she likes a guy so much she’d rather just be used for sex than not have him at all. My daughter said, what’s the benefit?
So, yeah, I have to count myself as lucky that she’s open with me and talks to me…
Eden, we can share him, yes? Although he’s got 3 brothers so… maybe you can have this one and I’ll take one of the others! Grins…
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Sorry that happened to your daughter. Love your book cover and the book sounds really good.
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Thanks Sue! I was floored by the cover, loved it at first sight!
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Hi Lissa:
Every time I see the cover of Arctic Shift I want to read it. This is definitely on my auto-buy list.
I would love some more in your Carnal Ecstacy and Simple Needs line. I really enjoyed both.
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Hi, Lisa
I am working on the third book in that line. His name is Jaspar. I’m about halfway through writing it. So far, I am really loving him…
Glad you’ve enjoyed the books and very glad you’re looking forward to Arctic Shift. Only about 12 more day until release!
Lissa