Dead and Bored?

(Posted originally in the secret Undead Weekly ezine)

Have you done it all, seen it all, and nothing moves you? Perhaps you’ve been living your excellent undead existence day in and day out for a few hundred years now and the pressure to blend in to society is getting to you.

We have exactly what you need! A luxury resort set in the remote wilds of Alaksa. It’s the deepest part of winter when we’re open, so there’s no worry about exposing yourself to any pesky sunshine.

Come, relax, bring your bonded mate or loving companions to join you. We’re a full service establishment and can cater to the needs of the living as well as meet your every dark decadent desire. Care to journey back to your time as a sultan? Or do you miss those English schoolroom days with the strict teacher and her trusty paddle?

Our theme rooms, including two wildly popular slate-tiled dungeons, will certainly call to your inner beast. Want to swim or impress your seethe-mates with your vacation tan? No worries! We’ve got an entire pool wing decorated like a tropical island and the spray tan is free.

If outside sports are more your thing we’ve got skiing, tubing, and lots of winding paths illuminated by twinkling lights. Shed your civilized mask and take a blood bath in the Roman suite, ‘stalk’ live prey from willing donors (rules apply), or visit our orgy room with some close friends you’d like to get even closer to.

We promise, your vampire vacation at the V V Inn will be like no other trip you’ve had in decades! Have a shifter lover? No problem, we don’t charge extra for shedding clean up. Prefer to dance the night away or relax in an Irish pub? We’ve got you covered.

If you’re idea of a good time is more along the lines of reading collector edition books, a game of whisk, or drinking shots of an ancient vampire’s blood from a warmed snifter, then our English gentleman’s lounge may be just the spot for you.

Rafe and I will be your hosts for the week. We’ll make sure your every fantasy comes to life right before your very eyes. Be sure to call and book soon—we’re filling up fast and our Holiday ball only has a few spots left.

Inn Proprietors: Vivian and Rafe McAndrews
1-800-Dark-Fun
The V V Inn, Deadfoot, Alaska
(please call for plane coordinates)

~~ C.J. Ellisson ~~
Guest Speaker at Vamps at Sea – a Vampire Themed Cruise to Alaska
6.23.2012
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