Many people may not know the name, Clement C. Moore, but I’m willing to bet most know his famous poem, A Visit from St. Nicholas. Or perhaps, many do not know the poem by that name. How about The Night Before Christmas? Did that ring a (sleigh) bell? (See what I did there?) And who doesn’t recall these verses?
“But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer, With a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick. Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
Saint Nick. Saint Nicholas. Kris Kringle. Santa Claus. Santa. Father Christmas. Are we sure this guy isn’t in the Witness Protection Program? That’s a lot of aliases for one man. Of course, he has been breaking and entering across the globe for centuries and is on plenty of news forecasters’ watchlists. But that’s not the point. Have you ever heard of Papa Noël?
Papa Noël is Louisiana’s version of the man mentioned previously. And no, there wasn’t a mistake in using the term version because there are differences. Let’s start with his mode of transportation. Reindeer, right? Eight of them plus the most famous of them all, Rudolph? Yeah? Well, forget them. Papa Noël doesn’t fly in the sky in an extravagant sleigh with jingle bells and gold trim. Nope. Papa Noël travels down the Mississippi River and Louisiana bayous in style in a pirogue pulled by a team of alligators.
“Den out on de by-you, ‘Dey got such a clatter, ‘Make soun’ like old Boudreau, ‘Done fall off his ladder.’ Santa uses a long pole to steer his pirogue, a small, shallow boat, pulled by eight alligators through the bayou. He calls to the ‘gators: ‘Ha, Gaston! ‘Ha, Tiboy! ‘Ha, Pierre an’ Alcee! ‘Gee, Ninette! ‘Gee, Suzette! ‘Celeste an’ Renee! ‘To de top o’ de porch, ‘To de top o’ de wall, ‘‘Make crawl, alligator, ‘An’ be sho’ you don’t fall.’”
And since gators pulling a pirogue is more realistic than flying reindeer pulling an enchanted sled, it’s only logical that instead of an LED-nosed reindeer, there’s an illuminated neon snout gator. Just joking. Whoever heard of a gator with a glowing snout? That’s ridiculous… more so than a halogen-endowed stag. Actually, there is a discrepancy with Papa Noël’s gators. It’s always been said that he has eight pulling his pirogue. However, Nicollette, a gator with extremely glowing green eyes, is said to lead the team. So, either, one of the gators has a double identity/ fake ID or someone can’t count. Honestly, my money is on the ladder. However, I’m not going to be the one trying to figure it out because a gator is a gator, and they all have lots of teeth—extremely sharp teeth. Just leave my gifts by the tree please and thank you. Merci.
Glowing eyed-gator or no, Papa Noël’s way is lit by lighting bonfires along the river. Beginning early in the evening, around 700 PM, bonfires are lit. These bonfires are approximately twenty feet tall and burn all night. Tourists are invited to visit the bonfire celebrations along the levees. St. James Parish has some of the most popular ones. For more information on the bonfire celebrations, visit www.myNewOrleans.com.)
And there’s no need to leave Papa Noël milk and cookies. Instead, Papa Noël takes a cold, frothy draft with his boiled shrimp and crawfish. And if draft isn’t available, he’ll have anything that’s on tap or a tumbler of an adult beverage. (Hey, this is the bayou! What do you expect?)
Now, there is some grumbling about where exactly Papa Noël hangs his hat for the other 364 days of the year. The first theory is one that most would expect: the North Pole. But have you ever seen an alligator in the North Pole? Gators are more cost-efficient than reindeer, and who couldn’t use that in this economy? Reindeers do not hibernate and would need to be fed year-round. Alligators, on the other hand, stop feeding when the temperatures drop. Besides, couldn’t you just see them feasting on all those elves? How messy. And yet, another reason the kiddos shouldn’t wait up on Christmas Eve. Gators be hangry. That’s a tad more problematic than the Grinch wrecking the Who’s meal.
“He took the Who’s feast, he took the Who pudding, he took the roast beast. He cleaned out that ice box as quick as a flash. Why, the Grinch even took their last can of Who hash.”
The second theory which makes far more sense is that Papa Noël resides deep in the Louisiana bayous. And if it’s where I’m thinking, this girl won’t be trying to find it. Cos anyone who knows anything about the bayous already knows that if something moves you better be prepared to run. There are plenty of things (on the ground, in the trees, floating beneath the water) that snack on walking people-kabobs. What better place to avoid prying eyes than where the Swamp People dare not venture? Papa Noël definitely wouldn’t have an issue with solicitors or anyone peddling propaganda pamphlets. There would be no need for grocery shopping because supper would be fished straight out of the river. And he’d never have to worry about rezoning mandates or annexes that would increase the taxes on his toy factory. (As a bonus, the elves wouldn’t know about minimal wage increases. Just saying.)
Now, let’s talk about the Grimm twist. For this part, adults might want to turn the kiddies’ eyes away from this. The Brothers Grimm weren’t known for their…uh, should we say…sensitivity? Case in point:
- In the original Cinderella, the stepsisters chop off their toes and heels to fit into the boot.
- In Hansel and Gretel, their parents willingly abandon them in the forest.
Most people are familiar that if a person is on Santa’s Naughty List, Santa will leave that person a lump of coal in their stocking. Papa Noël doesn’t make that threat. “Why?” you ask. Because after Papa Noël finishes leaving presents for all the children on the Nice List, Papa Fouettard arrives to whip and beat the rotten out of the bad ones. Yes, you heard correctly. He shows up with a belt in hand. He doesn’t waste time with timeouts or grounding. It’s the strap… or a switch if you’re way out in the woods. Complain about a lump of coal now. I dare you. Call CPS if you want to, but he’ll spank them, too.
References:
That’s all I got. I hope you had a few giggles. Now, it’s your turn to sound off. Had you ever heard of Papa Noël or Papa Fouettard? Do you think Papa Fouettard is too politically incorrect for present day? Where do you think Papa Noël lives? Have you ever visited one of the Louisiana bonfire celebrations? If so, which ones. Let me know your thoughts below in the comment section. Your feedback allows me to know the content that you want to read. And if you like this post, consider clicking the like button and sharing.
Demon Rodeo
If Brokeback Mountain, 8 Seconds, Poltergeist, and Supernatural had an orgy, Demon Rodeo would be the lovechild.
Demon Rodeo is available now on Amazon. For video book trailers, visit my TikTok page. The full blurb is on my Instagram and Amazon.
Demon Rodeo is the first book in the Chasing the Buckle series but can be read as a standalone. It’s a friends-to-lovers romance set in the rodeo world. These are not your typical cowboys. It’s a widely diverse cast of characters and a mashup of genres that aren’t always seen together. If you’re looking for a palate cleanser, this may be a book for you.
Order
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*Note: All of my books can be purchased from brick-and-mortar bookstores (e.g., Barnes & Noble, Book-A-Million, etc.) as well if requested at the checkout counter.)
Until next time, happy reading and much romance. Laissez le bon temps rouler.
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LOCKER ROOM LOVE
Locker Room Love Series
Are you searching for a sexy book boyfriend? You’ve come to the right place.
- Out of the Penalty Box (book #1) One minute in the box or a lifetime out.
- Defending the Net (book #2) Crossing the line could cost the game.
- Ice Gladiators (book #3) When the gloves come off, the games begin.
- Penalty Kill (book #4) Let the pucker begin.
- Future Goals (book #5) The future lies between a puck and a net.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Genevive, and I am a contemporary sports romance author. My home is in South Louisiana. If you like snark and giggles with a touch of steamy Cajun and Creole on the side, I may have your poison in my stash of books. Drop by the bayou and have a look around. The pirogues are always waiting for new visitors.
