The winner (chosen by random number generator) of the free download is commenter
#2—Anne!  Anne, congrats! Email me to arrange delivery of your prize!

* * * * *

Begging for It was one of those rare opportunities when I pulled experiences directly from my military past. I guess it’s odd I don’t write more military-related experiences because writers are supposed to write what they know, and after 21 years in the Army, I know a lot. Here, I used what I remembered of my own slight PTSD issues and what I observed from others around me to give as realistic a window inside my heroine’s journey as I could. When reading this tender passage (as tender as a BDSM passage can be :)), keep in mind that the safe word Cross has given TJ to use is Fallujah.

If you post a comment today, you’ll be entered to win
a free download of this book!

Last week’s winner (see last Saturday’s Snippet for the prize) is…Tony Whitmire! Tony, congrats and email me to arrange delivery of your prize!

“…I absolutely loved this book… With these two dynamic characters, the emotional pull of this story was outstanding… Emotions ran the gamut and reached out to draw you in.”
~5 Stars and Top Pick!, Night Owl Reviews

“This was the most gripping, emotionally charged sexy foray into BDSM (heavy on the S&M) I’ve ever read…in the end, you’ll be so gripped by the brilliance of Ms. Devlin’s storytelling abilities, that the final pages will twist your guts in knots… I couldn’t stop thinking about them.” ~A “10″ for Story, Seriously Reviewed

“…This story is an emotional rollercoaster that will make you laugh, cry, and overheat… Devlin weaves an enthralling tale… It’s a novella that’s impossible to put down, a definite gem worth reading again and again.” ~5 Hearts, The Romance Studio

“…Delilah Devlin is at her finest with BEGGING FOR IT!… It is heartbreaking but real. Yes this is a very hot erotic novella but the story really spoke to me… BEGGING FOR IT is outrageous and perfectly delicious!” ~ Joyfully Reviewed

A story in the 1-800-DOM-help series.

She needs punishment…before she deserves pleasure.

Tragedy scarred TJ Lipton. Now, the only way she can find pleasure is when its delivered with a heavy-handed dose of S&M. But finding a lover who can give her what she needs proves an elusive quest—until she finds the sex club Unfettered and a Dom named Cross McNally.

Cross understands all too well what drives TJ. He takes command of her body to give her everything she needs—restraint, the stinging kiss of a flogger, the thrill of a three-way—a sexual adventure that pulls her beyond her painful past and has her begging for more of his tender brand of domination.

The door handle depressed without the need of a passkey. She opened it, searching the room for Cross, but stiffened when instead she found Tanner.

He was dressed in a dark tee, leather pants and cowboy boots. Had she met him in The Shamrock before she’d been with Cross, she would have been tempted. But now Cross held her hopes and dreams in his hands. Tanner was just another handsome guy with a crooked, killer smile.

“Come in, TJ,” he said in his sexy drawl. “Cross’ll be along in a moment.”

Disappointment seeped through her bones, weighing her down. She’d hoped it would just be the two of them, her and Cross. That she’d meant more to him than just as a playmate, but he’d invited his buddy along again.

“Shall I prepare you?”

TJ shook her head. “I’d rather wait for Cross.”

“I want to show you something.” He invited her deeper into the room with a lazy wave of his hand.

She blew out a breath and approached, watching his expression. If he’d smirked even once, she’d have turned on her heel and run for the door. She couldn’t take mockery, not even a gentle tease today. She was too nervous about seeing Cross again and angry with herself that it meant so much.

The last thing she wanted right now was trust in someone else’s strength when she’d finally begun to believe in her own. But she needed Cross in ways she couldn’t explain, not even to herself.

However, she walked closer, halting when she saw the ropes arranged on the floor. There was a pattern to their placement, but not one she discerned, and the ends of two of them were drawn up to curve over the tops of two pulleys in the ceiling.

She cleared the knot of tension in her throat. “This for me?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“How much you trust Cross.”

She shrugged, trying for casual when her stomach was beginning to knot. “What’s he want me to do?”

“He wants me to bind you, and then pull you up.”

“Suspend me,” she said, her voice rasping now because she thought she understood why he wanted this.

Tanner nodded. “That’s right.” There wasn’t even a hint of smile on his handsome face. Only something soft and a little sad in his blue eyes as she watched her.

TJ turned away and blinked at the moisture filling her own. But she squared her shoulders and began to strip. When she was nude, she faced Tanner.

His gaze never dipped, and he held out his hand. Then he led her to the center of the ropes and helped her to the floor. When she lay on her back, she watched the line of muted, recessed lights that ran the length of the room rather than anything Tanner was doing.

She sought that center of calm, the one that only pain had given her in the past. While he moved around her, binding her feet, her hands, wrapping ropes around her waist and thighs, she ignored the clamoring of panic building inside her chest. Breathe. Cross will come.

 

Cross watched the monitor as Tanner slowly built the cradle of rope that would suspend TJ gently from the ceiling.

“You’re sure she’s ready for this?” Dru asked beside him.

“I’m not, but she needs this and it has to be me.”

“Do you think she knows who you are?”

Cross rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, or she wouldn’t have ignored my calls all week.” A week that had dragged while he’d worried that he’d blown it completely.

Dru’s mouth quirked. “She didn’t ignore this summons.”

“It’s neutral ground. She figures if things get too hairy, you or one of the staff will step in.”

Dru turned, her usual professionally neutral mask gone. Concern darkened her eyes. “Are you in love with her?”

Cross swung away from her to stare blindly at the monitor again. “Head over fucking heels.”

Tanner was finished and nodded toward the monitor out of view of TJ, whose head was supported by a leather strap beneath her neck. She couldn’t move, not without pulling at the rigging and offsetting her balance to send her swinging.

Cross wanted her still. Her body. Her mind.

He crossed the hallway and entered the room, walking around her to gaze down into her eyes.

She looked frightened but stoic just the same. Her face was pale, her lips tense.

“Want that safe word now?” he asked softly.

“Will I need it?”

Cross smiled. At last she’d acknowledged that she trusted him. She’d trust his advice. “You’ll need it, sweetheart. The same one. You remember it?”

Her gaze paused for long poignant moment. “All of it.”

He nodded then tugged a blindfold from his back pocket. He dangled it in front of her face.

“That’s necessary?” Her lips twisted. “You’ve already got me trussed up like a turkey.”

Cross cupped her cheeks and stroked his thumbs across her skin to soothe her. “You know it is. But remember, I’m right here. I’m going to undress. Tanner’s here to help but won’t do anything I don’t approve of. You’ll be safe.” Then without another word, he tied the blindfold around her head. “Can you see anything?”

“No Sir,” she said in small voice.

“How do you feel?”

“Like I’m floating.”

“The ropes are comfortable?”

“None are digging into my skin. He’s good.”

“That’s why he’s here, baby. Now’s the time for quiet.”

Her lips crimped as if she wanted to say something else but held it back. Satisfied, he nodded to Tanner, and the two of them quietly undressed.

 

TJ heard the rustle of clothing as the two men disrobed. The sound was soft but jangled her nerves anyway. When a hand glided along the outside of one thigh, she gasped.

Her folds were opened, a blunt, round tip pushed against her entrance and she tightened in rejection because the cock sliding inside her didn’t feel like Cross’.

“Don’t fight it. Just float, sweetheart,” Tanner said softly.

Hands, Cross’, molded her breasts, rubbing a warming oil into her skin.

“I wasn’t sure this was right for you, having Tanner here again,” he said softly. “I know you aren’t comfortable, having me share you. Fuck, I don’t like sharing you.”

He paused to circle her nipples, the pad of his fingers gliding around and around. The tips tingled and hardened, but he was already moving down, rubbing her belly, and then the folds stretched around Tanner’s erection as the other man slowly shafted her.

“But Tanner’s more than a friend, Tansy Jo. He was over there with me. I trust him with my back. And you, sweetheart, like to be in charge even when you aren’t. I had to push you past your comfort zone. Push hard.”

“Why?” she asked, her voice more of rasping croak.

“To break you.”

She shook her head, not understanding.

A finger soothed over her lower lip. “What I saw in the alley. It was fucked up. You were hard. Bitter. Sure that all you needed from that guy was for him to make you come.”

Shame set fire to her cheeks.

“No, sweetheart,” he whispered beside her ear. “I’m not judging. I made my own mistakes when I came back. Trying to get rid of the edge, the dirt. I found a card, the same one I tucked into your purse. I’d played at being a Dom before but hadn’t understood what I needed from it. Not before you.”

“What was it you needed?”

“Everything I ever played at, everything I ever experimented with, was preparation for you. To see you through this. To break you down then make you strong.”

Something in his tone, something in the whispered harshness told her what she needed to know. This wasn’t a game—really, truly wasn’t about the sex. It was about them. What they’d survived. What bound them still.

She swallowed to wet her mouth. “I’m not sure what this means. What’s happening between us.”

“Do you trust me?”

She drew in a ragged breath and nodded. She trusted him, but that still didn’t mean she was going to like this.

The cradle of ropes resumed rocking forward and back, pulling her off Tanner’s cock then sliding it back inside. The motion was fluid, oddly soothing—like the hands once again caressing every part of her. Her frantic thoughts slowed, grew peaceful as she rocked again and again.

Her breaths deepened. Her body warmed. The rocking slowed then stopped. Tanner’s cock slid free.

Hands cupped her head. Fingers combed through her hair. The scrape of Cross’ beard abraded her cheek. “You remember where we met, don’t you?” Cross rasped.

“In the bar?” she said, knowing it was a lie, but she didn’t want to go there. Not now when she felt so relaxed. And certainly not when she was aroused and ready for sex.

“Now’s not the time to be cute. You and I have a past. One I have to know won’t come between us.”

“I don’t blame you. Not anymore.”

“But do you still resent me?” he said, his voice tightening. “Do you still think I’m the bastard who let that kid die?”

She’d said that. No, shouted that while she’d beat him with her fists. She’d meant to wound, and apparently she had. “I’m sorry about that. I know you didn’t. Figueroa couldn’t have survived.”

“Do you really know it, TJ? Deep inside?”

She hesitated. Suddenly, the sling tilted, lowering her head beneath her body then turning her upside down. The rope twined around her waist bit into her midsection, not painfully but reminiscent enough of that other time to send her into panic. Her body tensed and she tried to flail her arms and legs.

Tanner grasped her thighs.

“Baby, stop,” Cross said, petting her cheeks, kissing her forehead. “Shhh,” he said beside her ear, until at last she calmed.

Then something warm and wet trickled from her chin and across her cheek, seeping into her hair. Something thick, like blood.

TJ clamped her mouth closed but screamed behind her lips and bucked hard. Arms wrapped around her to hold her still.

“This what is was like inside that Hummer?” Cross whispered next to her ear. “Was this how you felt? Blind? Bound?”

TJ gave a ragged sob and began to cry. “Stop. Stop it now.”

His head shook, scraping her skin again. “I was there. I had you.”

“I was supposed to stay with him.”

“You couldn’t save him.” He cupped her head again and kissed her upside down. “He was already gone when I pulled you free,” he said, his warm breath gusting against her mouth.

“You don’t know that,” she whispered raggedly. “His blood was still pumping beneath my fingers.”

He kissed her again. “Baby, he was gone. I swear it.”

A sob jerked her chest. “It was m-my fault.”

“Not your fault,” he whispered. “It was a sniper. An ambush. You were targets of opportunity.”

“It should have been me.”

“Why, baby?”

“I took the convoy down that street.”

“You think you made a mistake? That you cost him his life?”

She shook inside his embrace. “Yes… No. I know it was just shit luck. I know that. But I still feel…”

“Like it wasn’t fair you walked away?”

Tears stung her eyes, and she nodded. “I remember you,” she said hoarsely.

“I’m sorry as hell it had to be me who pulled you out.”

“I’m not.”

Cross’ hug tightened, and she sobbed again, shaking in the ropes. “Fallujah,” she whispered.

* * * * *

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