Why is this so hard to write? I guess it is because I’m trying to find the humor in the situation. That’s just me. I prefer a giggle or a good laugh. I don’t cry over silly shit. In fact, yesterday in the doctor’s office, I was rubbing my daughter’s back as she teared up. I told the doctor, “You don’t know me, but I’m pretty tough. I’m ex-military, and I don’t quit.” Or something close to that because I didn’t exactly record the moment for posterity.
And it’s not like my daughter and I didn’t see this coming.
In May and June, I did those annual checkup/bloodwork/x-ray things you do. EVERYTHING came back glowing. All my labs were trending great, see you next year, nothing to follow up…
Then, four weeks ago, I started having a dull, nagging pain in my right upper abdomen. Naturally, I consulted Google. I thought: Dang, must be my gallbladder. So, I made an appointment. The doctor started thumping my stomach where the pain had been centered, then thumped lower. “Let’s get some scans to make sure it’s not your appendix.”
The scans came back with a healthy gall bladder, healthy appendix, but omental caking, something I’d never heard of. So, back to Google. My daughter and I started getting concerned. Really concerned.
What followed was a different sort of blood panel, which showed the presence of cancer markers. Then there was the PET scan, followed the next day by a biopsy. These happened last week, and we scoured my online chart every day for new postings, translating the medicalese and arriving at the conclusion that I was in deep, deep trouble.
Before yesterday’s appointment, my daughter already had the diagnosis figured out, including the prognosis.
When the doctor pulled up the PET scan for us to see in his office, the thing we knew we’d see was there. My abdomen was lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.
Metastatic adenocarcinoma of mullerian origin. Sounds pretty, right? Basically, my cancer is all over my uterus and ovaries, and it has spread to the omentum—which I won’t define here. It’s a body part you should never know about because it’s not that significant except when it’s diseased.
He mentioned beginning chemo next week. My daughter asked, “Why wouldn’t we try surgery to get that stuff out of there first?” He responded by saying he didn’t know a surgeon who would be willing to operate with so much cancer there.
Then he said something that centered us. “It’s not curable, but it’s treatable.” Best case, they “debulk” the cancer with chemo then we see whether it’s operable at that point.
My daughter asked, “How much time are we talking?”
He said, “It won’t be months. I think you have years. We can manage this. We will hope for remission, but we can manage this.”
Before the end of this week, I’ll have a chemo port installed, and come Monday morning, I’ll begin chemo. I should have my hair for a few weeks, but I’m already eyeballing chemo hats and scarves. I have a round head. I told my dd we can just paint my head for Halloween in a solid color and add some black round holes so I can go about as a bowling ball. See? I found some humor.
What does that mean for my work? I need a purpose. I may slow down the writing pace, but I’ll continue editing. There will only be a few days a month when I’ll be knocked on my ass from the chemo. I want to “do” normal things—make the 11-year-old’s lunches for school, watch movies with my family (last night I watched Damsel with the 15 and 11-year-olds), swim while the weather holds out and in between little surgeries, like the one to install that port, eat good food. Maybe I’ll paint more.
The thing is…I’m here. I have time. I’m going to fill it with what I love. So, no doom and gloom. It’s not allowed here.
So, question for you. My chemo will last 4-5 hours. What should I pack so I don’t get bored?
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Favorite music to fall asleep to, a favorite movie or two, something you can dictate into if the mood strikes you. We were able to stay with my sister the whole time so she had us to talk to as well. I’ll be holding you close to my heart.
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Headphones, Ipad loaded with a selection of movies and ebooks, and your irrepressible spirit Bowling ball would be a hit here in Wisconsin.
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Books, those adult coloring books. Puzzle books. Tablet, kindle, anything to keep hands and mind busy.
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Sorry to hear that. Good luck with everything.
I went with my friend for his chemo so he had someone to talk to. I seen people listen to music, while others read. Some of the people took naps.
I guess depending on how much movement you can do take something that you enjoy doing or someone to spend the time with you while getting the chemo.
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Sorry to hear this. Prayers and good wishes are with you. I love the humor, and hope it as well as the joy of everyday things help with conquering the monster.
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Definitely was praying for better news. But we will work forward instead.
I talked to a friend. She says that she takes her iPad, a book, a favorite blanket, fuzzy socks, and a friend. It’s never easy she says. I’ll be praying for your friend se said.
I might add maybe a small sketchbook for the artistic side. We are praying for you.
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I am so sorry. I was extremely lucky with the breast cancer. I did not have to do chemo, just radiation. I would take your ipad or a portable dvd player and watch movies or listen to books. I am just glad that you have an exceptional family to help you out and be with you.
You and your family will be in my prayers.
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I am so sorry to hear this. I know several going through this right now. You are a strong woman with a wonderfully supportive family and a community that loves you. Rest, eat well do your best to stay positive. Ditto on the above items to take with you to therapy. Sending gentle hugs.
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I am so sorry to hear this, but a good attitude and supportive family is a must. I have never had chemo, but radiation 4 times. I was diagnosed in 2008 with lung cancer and have beat it back 4 times! I look forward to following your journey! And as a friend once told me…welcome to a club you never wanted to join!
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So sorry to hear. Am sending prayers & good vibes to help you through this. My first thought was to take a book…one you’ve been wanting to read but just haven’t gotten to it yet. An iPad might be good to watch a movie or two. A sketch pad for any ideas you might get about something you’d like to paint later. You could also make some notes with any ideas you might get for a future book to work on when you feel like doing so. My thought will be with you.
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Portable art work, books you want to read. Positive vibe music. Maybe an iPad or laptop to work on. Crochet or knitting.
Anything that keeps you happy. Also avoid all sugar. You don’t want to feed the anything going on in the body. I also recommend pot for the appetite. I don’t know if it’s legal in your state or not, but it will be helpful
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Prayers to you on this difficult journey. Books, tablet, puzzle books, Bible if you’re religious,
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Prayers for your journey 🙏. I would pack a book or kindle, anything to keep my mind occupied
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I’m a survivor of large B cell lymphoma. 6 months of chemo and a great support group and I’m in remission for 4 years. My books and hands that cared for me were what made it bearable. My prayers are with you. The saying “Never Give Up, You’ve Got This” was my family’s belief!
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Crossing everything and sending good thoughts. I was so lucky to only lose a kidney when the dreaded C struck me 14 years ago. I’m sure your upbeat attitude and humor will help you get through this. ❤️❤️
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I hate to hear this. I have kept you in my prayers and will continue. I am not sure what to advise you to take with you for entertainment during treatment but my sister in law would drink chai tee after every treatment to help with the nausea and peppermints. Just think you can get wings and your hair color can fit your mood for the day!
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My sister enjoyed music and games on her phone when she went through chemo.
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I’m sorry to hear this I just finished radiation had complete hysterectomy then a round of radiation. On mine it took longer to get ready then the treatment. Take a book or listen to a podcast. Prayers to you during this time.
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Oh my. I wish you well. You know I love you.
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Goddamnit, DD. I’m so sorry. Sending hugs and love. You are so strong. I’m sorry you have to endure this!
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Sending you many prayers. Maybe some books, word find, crossword puzzles, soothing/favorite music, a sketch book, note pad to write thoughts down and if it’s allowed maybe some essential oils or favorite smells.
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I’m sending out all the positive vibes and healing powers. Huge hugs to you and your family. When my son did chemo we played card games, listened to music played I spy and talked about goals for the future. Staying positive is key when going through it. Also don’t eat sugar 🥰
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You are in my prayers.
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Sending healing prayers and hugs. Take some or all the things everyone else suggested. You have so many family and friends and people who care about you and are praying for you. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
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I did chemo every week for 6 months. Bring your laptop and write or play games or watch shows or read. Some people sleep because they give you a ton of Benadry. I made friends with the people getting chemo on the same day as I did. You got this!!! chemo is not as bad as we fear it is.
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My aunt has been bringing her headphones, Ipad, socks (it gets cold!), a light blanket, and something to read as well. Cancer sucks. I just lost my Uncle after he found out 3 weeks ago he had lung cancer. I’m so glad they are telling you it’s treatable-which is the same thing they told my Aunt! You got this!! Will keep you in my thoughts!
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I’m very sorry to read of your diagnosis – sending positive thoughts that you’ll be ok – your positive attitude should be a help. How about bringing some puzzle books – crossword, wordsearch, sudoku?
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Sending you all the love and prayers, Delilah. I’m so sorry about this seemingly daunting diagnosis, but I’m so thankful you have your incredible family at your side and a good doctor and care team as well. Definitely bring your iPad/laptop and comfy headphones–that should give you access to music, audio or ebooks, puzzles, electronic coloring books or art programs where you can draw/paint, shows/movies… And bring cozy socks and maybe a shawl or blanket in case. Enormous hugs!
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Sending you healing prayers – I myself am a lymphoma survivor – I had chemo and radiation. Medical advances in cancer. Treatment is phenomenal now. You will be very tired for 24 to 48 hours after treatment then you’ll be fine. You will be in my prayers. 🤗 hugs….❤️🙏
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I’ll add you to my prayers. It’s good that the doctor had that kind of reaction. I like it when doctors are straight forward. Keeping busy in the hospital is so hard. I always liked to read or sew. One of my favorite things to do was to write. Sometimes I would journal and sometimes I did “work”. You could take online classes and learn something new!
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Blanket, pillows, fluffy socks, and headphones with downloaded music or movies are a must to take in with you. Trash bags in the car for a just in case.
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audible books, adult colouring books and load up your tablet with movies or a series you’ve been meaning to watch but never got time. Take care of yourself is number 1
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When I went through chemo just two years ago, I found that it wasn’t all that bad. I was lucky because my body did not react much to it. I did lose my hair… Everywhere when you go to your sessions, they’ll have Wi-Fi. I always took my iPad, sometimes I read and sometimes I watched one of the streaming channels. What to take with you take some snacks, sandwiches if you can tolerate them, your favorite drink to drink, and don’t forget to take a jacket and or a small blanket. These places stay pretty cold and sometimes the fluid coming into you is going to be cold, even in the dead of Summer. You will have a tendency to sleep because chemo takes its toll on your energy. Go for it you’ll find you’ll learn to enjoy your sessions as quiet times . Fatigue will be your greatest enemy. I look forward to seeing you ring that bell after your sessions are over. You can call me anytime if you want to chat or have questions. will be thinking of you. Ellen.
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Thank you for sharing the beginning of your journey, Delilah. I hope it helped you to process your emotions. I’m sure each of your family members are going through their own emotions right now.
Judging by the numerous comments and well wishes, we’re all joining you for the plot twist you’ve found yourself in.
You said you need a purpose, so if you can, work in the hospital. Work when you feel good and rest when you don’t. Do your art when you can. You’ll discover a pattern and what works for you. Who knows? This may bring out a different creative side for you.
Keep blogging to keep us updated if you can. Sharing our cancer journeys helps with the fight and the healing. ❤️
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Will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers 🙏 I read tons while my daughter was going through All Luekemia treatments and listening to audiobooks to keep my mind off everything. Hugs and kisses for you and you got this !! Always stay strong and you have so many people here cheering you on and sending healing and strength vibes for you.
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Sorry to hear this. Just went thru similar with cousin with cervical cancer that can’t be operated on. Chemo and radiation shrunk it though so Dr gives good prognosis. we packed lots of snacks, as the food the cancer center had was limited options. She also took blanket, her phone for game play with extra battery charger, water/drinks as center will offer but never around when you need one. She also had books loaded on Kindle to read. You could take laptop and work on editing while there as well. She did not feel sick during Chemo, it was the two days following. She had Chemo once a week for 8 hours, and radiation every day M-F for 20 minutes per day. Felt tired a lot. Let your body rest when it says it needs it. She is doing so much better now that Chemo and radiation is over, and so will you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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I always took my Kindle, a craft(yarn & plastic canvas type thing), and the days that I was going to have my daughter or mother staying for the session we’d bring cards like SkipBo, Uno or Phase 10. Don’t forget a thermal jug with your favorite hot or cold drink and some snacks(hopefully you’ll be lucky like me and not have to deal with a lot of nausea the day of treatment). I know each chemo chemical is a little different but I lost most of my hair by the third treatment so have the hats ready if you are going to use them. I really didn’t bother unless I was going out in public(like shipping or dining), and that was mainly because my treatments were in the fall into late November, and it will take a couple months for the hair to come back when you are done.
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Sending healing hugs!
Love your positive attitude and I know your family, friends will help being there for you. Same with your readers and followers will help with the power of prayer and positive energy.
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A good book. 👍 Sending you best wishes ❤️ and lots of love.
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I’m so sorry you have to go through this, Delilah! My thoughts are with you. Hugs.
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I’m so sorry to hear this, Delilah, but your attitude is wonderful. When I took my bestie to all of her chemos for breast cancer, she took so much stuff at first and never used a thing. She ended up sleeping through most of them. Now, her’s were about 90 minutes each, so not too long. There were a group of sweet older women volunteers who gave each patient a crocheted blanket they could keep and a heart pillow to hold. They brought around snacks and beverages. My suggestion is don’t take too much the first time until you see how it goes. I do agree on lots of water, but you may be provided water.
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Doesn’t Little Rock have a cancer center?
Prayers for healing sweetie.🙏🙏😍
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My thoughts and prayers are with you! You are a really special and tough girl (served under Joseph Gaglia after all, and he liked you!)
Do bring your favorite music, that is a great way to affect your mood in whichever way you need.
Stay positive! So much love pouring out to you❣️