Why is this so hard to write? I guess it is because I’m trying to find the humor in the situation. That’s just me. I prefer a giggle or a good laugh. I don’t cry over silly shit. In fact, yesterday in the doctor’s office, I was rubbing my daughter’s back as she teared up. I told the doctor, “You don’t know me, but I’m pretty tough. I’m ex-military, and I don’t quit.” Or something close to that because I didn’t exactly record the moment for posterity.

And it’s not like my daughter and I didn’t see this coming.

In May and June, I did those annual checkup/bloodwork/x-ray things you do. EVERYTHING came back glowing. All my labs were trending great, see you next year, nothing to follow up…

Then, four weeks ago, I started having a dull, nagging pain in my right upper abdomen. Naturally, I consulted Google. I thought: Dang, must be my gallbladder. So, I made an appointment. The doctor started thumping my stomach where the pain had been centered, then thumped lower. “Let’s get some scans to make sure it’s not your appendix.”

The scans came back with a healthy gall bladder, healthy appendix, but omental caking, something I’d never heard of. So, back to Google. My daughter and I started getting concerned. Really concerned. 

What followed was a different sort of blood panel, which showed the presence of cancer markers. Then there was the PET scan, followed the next day by a biopsy. These happened last week, and we scoured my online chart every day for new postings, translating the medicalese and arriving at the conclusion that I was in deep, deep trouble.

Before yesterday’s appointment, my daughter already had the diagnosis figured out, including the prognosis.

When the doctor pulled up the PET scan for us to see in his office, the thing we knew we’d see was there. My abdomen was lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.

Metastatic adenocarcinoma of mullerian origin. Sounds pretty, right? Basically, my cancer is all over my uterus and ovaries, and it has spread to the omentum—which I won’t define here. It’s a body part you should never know about because it’s not that significant except when it’s diseased.

He mentioned beginning chemo next week. My daughter asked, “Why wouldn’t we try surgery to get that stuff out of there first?” He responded by saying he didn’t know a surgeon who would be willing to operate with so much cancer there.

Then he said something that centered us. “It’s not curable, but it’s treatable.” Best case, they “debulk” the cancer with chemo then we see whether it’s operable at that point.

My daughter asked, “How much time are we talking?”

He said, “It won’t be months. I think you have years. We can manage this. We will hope for remission, but we can manage this.”

Before the end of this week, I’ll have a chemo port installed, and come Monday morning, I’ll begin chemo. I should have my hair for a few weeks, but I’m already eyeballing chemo hats and scarves. I have a round head. I told my dd we can just paint my head for Halloween in a solid color and add some black round holes so I can go about as a bowling ball. See? I found some humor.

What does that mean for my work? I need a purpose. I may slow down the writing pace, but I’ll continue editing. There will only be a few days a month when I’ll be knocked on my ass from the chemo. I want to “do” normal things—make the 11-year-old’s lunches for school, watch movies with my family (last night I watched Damsel with the 15 and 11-year-olds), swim while the weather holds out and in between little surgeries, like the one to install that port, eat good food. Maybe I’ll paint more.

The thing is…I’m here. I have time. I’m going to fill it with what I love. So, no doom and gloom. It’s not allowed here.

So, question for you. My chemo will last 4-5 hours. What should I pack so I don’t get bored?

I almost skipped posting today. I didn’t feel like doing my weekly summation with the plans for the coming week. I don’t want to think about what’s coming. Tomorrow, I meet with the oncologist. I’ll know more then. I’m hoping he has a plan. I love plans.

I didn’t want to post, but then my SIL shared this picture of the sky he took tonight. It’s so pretty. We have storms rolling in. Some rain, finally. All that purple is dreamy. I’ll smile as I fall asleep tonight thinking about that pretty night sky.

Have a great week, y’all. ~DD

UPDATE: The winner is…ELF!
*~*~*

I had a late start today. At 1:23 this morning, our power went out. Again. I live in a rural area, and our power is provided by above-ground poles. So, we have pretty frequent outages that can last hours or days, depending on whether the source is a downed tree or a transformer. I didn’t get much sleep because the house got stuffy, and I like the sound of fans running while I sleep—have to have that white noise. My SIL got the generator running so we could at least keep the food in the refrigerator from spoiling. It’s 8:47 now, and we’re finally back up and running. I’m likely going to be napping in between spurts of editing today. I hope you all had a better start to your weekend!

For a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card, solve the puzzle and tell me whether this is something you face frequently. Plus, if you have suggestion for how to prepare for outages, let everyone know!

UPDATE: The winner is…Mary McCoy!
*~*~*

Hello, everyone! I want to start by thanking Delilah for letting me come play here again. I always enjoy hanging out with all of you.

If your summer has been anything like ours, it’s been ungodly hot pretty much from the start. Summer isn’t my favorite season, though I do love all the fresh fruits and veggies. When I was a kid, I didn’t mind summer—of course, it was school break, so we had long days to play, and it wasn’t this hot then either. My birthday is even mid-summer, so you’d think a summer baby might enjoy their season more.  I just find it harder every year to tolerate the heat and humidity we have here in southern Pennsylvania (I know it’s much worse as you go south from here), so my outdoor activities are severely limited once we get to steady summertime weather. I wish I’d kept track from the start of how many 90 and 100-degree-plus days we’ve had—I bet it would be a long list this year. I’ll be thrilled to see it end—no more walking outside to grab the mail and coming back inside forty seconds later dripping sweat. I’m ready for days cool enough to spend time outside with a good book, pretty colors on the trees, and cool nights around the firepit. And after that, winter, at least in theory; it’s been more than a few years since we had a good snowstorm in my neck of the woods. And I love spring, all the flowers waking up, the trees sprouting new leaves after their rest…though spring seems shorter as summer starts sooner every year.

I found some relief from our actual summer, though, with both my reading and writing—when you get lost in a good story, it’s easy to imagine yourself in that place and time, so when it’s sweltering where you are, why not pull out a book set during a blizzard, or if you’re freezing, a hot romance set in a tropical locale? I recently finished reading a holiday story with lots of snow that made me way less unhappy about our weather for a few hours while I lived in the winter with the characters as they fell in love. One of the stories I’m writing at the moment is set during late fall-early winter, so lots of chilly days there that need hot cocoa or cozy sweaters—at least in my head; I doubt I’d want to do that even with our frosty a/c running. (The one story I really should be finishing, though, is a summer story, the third and final book in my Medusa’s Daughters Trilogy, and they’re headed for an even hotter destination than where we are.)

Am I the only one who likes to visit another season this way? What is your very favorite season and why? If you share your response here in the comments, I’ll do a drawing this Sunday, 8/18/24 after 12 noon for one of my eBooks (winner’s choice!).

UPDATE: The winner is…Mary McCoy!
*~*~*

Hello, Delilah!  Thank you for inviting me here today to discuss my new release! Sometimes, as a writer, a passion project comes your way, and you just have to seize the opportunity.  And it might also be a squirrel (a project that wasn’t on my bingo card).

Passion’s Angel is literally—and figuratively—a passion project.

I have a friend who is good friends with Dr. Donna Jennings, who is an amazing creative force, and a former sex therapist who now works with authors of romance to make their books more authentic.  She helps bring passion and joy to their stories.  To help with that, she created the Dr. Donna Jennings Purple Passion Reflection for Women Cards series.  Let me tell you—they’re the coolest things ever.

When my friend approached me to be the final member of the project, I leaped at the chance. Female sexual empowerment? Check.  Working with a dynamic group of writers? Check. Stretching myself as an author? Triple check!

Dr. J. sent me my own deck of cards, and as I leafed through them, I was truly inspired. One card in particular spoke to me. The photo was of three women—of different races—and they were together in a way that got my creative juices flowing. In the end, I decided my story would be FFM, but I saw my characters reflected in that image.

I scurried off to Plot Whisperer and gave her an idea of what I was looking to accomplish.  We went back and forth for a while before we settled on the perfect plot.  A Domme with two submissives.  But not submissives who competed for her attention. No, they were submissives who complimented each other—who each brought something very different to the BDSM relationship.  A triad that would wind up together at the end of the story. An equilateral triangle—all sides were even.  And, within the hierarchical structure, Nadine was at the top…but Dustin and Angelique were very much equals as well—despite the fact Dustin came first.  In fact, in the end, he’s the one who convinces Angelique that not only is she wanted, but that she’s needed.  That’s powerful for a woman who’s never felt wanted by anyone.

But that’s at the end of the story.  I wanted to write a fierce older (within the context of the relationship) woman.  Nadine came to mind instantly.  Brash, bold, Black, and brilliant.  She owns her own advertising agency in Vancouver.  Successful for a long time, about two years ago, she took on a new employee to be her personal assistant.  Enter Dustin, fresh out of university and eager to learn from the best.  Eventually, though, at his nudging, prodding, and begging, Nadine became intimate with him.  When he discovered she had a dungeon in her basement, he pushed for a BDSM relationship.  He recognized Nadine’s dominant personality and was quite happy to be a submissive to her.

Then comes the day they need a model for a campaign.  Angelique isn’t a model.  In fact, she works in a gift store—being exploited by a crappy manager who makes her do all the work with none of the acknowledgement or credit.  I think a position many people can relate to.  Nadine spots her and knows this angel is the one.  Dustin, however, has to do the convincing.  I won’t go farther than this…except to say this is one steamy ménage romance written under my BDSM penname.  FFM is a new area of exploration for me, as a writer, but I knew Nadine and Angelique’s bond had to be as powerful—and sexual—as each woman’s relationship with Dusin was to be.

The book is set in Vancouver, so expect some cameos from other Gabbi Black and Gabbi Grey books just because I can!  I enjoy weaving my worlds—hopeful to pique the curiosity of readers.

Okay, so that’s my story!  I would love to give away a copy of one of my backlist books!  If BDSM isn’t your jam, I’m happy to make it a Gabbi Grey gay romance or a Gabbi Powell MF small town mid-angst, mid-heat contemporary romance. Your choice!  Let me know—what inspires you?  What are you passionate about? Just leave a comment and random will pick a winner. 

Passion’s Angel

A couple under stress, a woman alone—can three hearts be better than two?

Dustin

My Domme, my boss, my lover… Nadine is all those things to me. Our professional relationship has slid into the personal, and I have no problem with that. Pleasing her is my top priority. When things go sideways at work, I’m not sure how to help…until the answer presents itself in the guise of an angel.

Nadine

As a successful marketing executive, I have high standards. Dustin, my submissive and executive assistant, is perfection. But even he can’t solve my latest work dilemma. Then we meet Angelique, and I’ve found the star of my next campaign. Now I just have to convince the young woman that posing for me is in her best interests and, even better, convince her to join Dustin and me in a triad relationship.

Angelique

When a gorgeous man asks me to pose for a photo shoot, I’m skeptical. I’m overweight and unattractive, so who would want my picture? Refusing him is easy…but he’s persistent, and I give in. He’ll soon see how wrong he is.

Surprisingly, a photo shoot can be fun. Dustin is sweet and kind, and his boss Nadine is incredible. They have the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted, and it’s clearly not just professional. I’m sad when the photo shoot is done and I have to leave them and head out into the cold, alone. Then Dustin asks an unbelievable question.

This 25k story is an FFM BDSM novella and is part of the Dr. Donna Jennings Purple Passion Reflection for Women Cards series.

Links:
Universal link:  https://books2read.com/PassionsAngel
Amazon US:  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0D9TY4ML3

About Gabbi Black

Even though Gabbi Black is a firm believer in happy endings, she makes her characters work for it in every romance she writes, no matter what the genre. From contemporary to BDSM, they are penned early in the morning in her home in beautiful British Columbia while her trusty ChinPoo dog keeps her company. She also writes gay romances as Gabbi Grey.

Personal links:
Website:   https://gabbiblack.com/
Newsletter sign-up:  https://sendfox.com/gabbi
Bookbub:  https://www.bookbub.com/profile/2763198834
Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/authorgabbiblack/
Facebook (page): https://www.facebook.com/Author-Gabbi-Black-106666354460589/
Twitter:  https://twitter.com/GabbiAuthor

Have you ever thought you knew where your path in life was going only to have the bottom fall out? Paige Kramar thinks she has it made with a role on the TV show, Charmed Lives. Then everything changes when her co-star Lance’s bad behavior gets him suspended from the network. Her role is put on hold because she was about to be revealed as his secret sister. She was already getting pressured by her family to study something in school that would lead to job security in the future. She winds up doing a journalism internship where she’s not taken seriously since she’s an actress. Then one day she steps up in a big way to help out a sportscaster named Ted who sees she has an eye for putting together news stories.

Ted gives her an opportunity to work with him and mentors her. She goes from feeling insecure about her future to believing in herself and her abilities. Along the way, she meets a hockey player named Viktor who is also dealing with his own self-confidence issues. Paige and Viktor begin to find support in one another and fall in love, but they are both fresh off of break ups and dealing with trust issues. Then her pop star ex-boyfriend comes back into the picture. Can Paige find true love and purpose?

Find the book here. ***Free in Kindle Unlimited ***

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/Falling-Star-City-Hockey-Romance-ebook/dp/B0CVXHF8DL
Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Falling-Star-City-Hockey-Romance-ebook/dp/B0CVXHF8DL
Amazon CAN: https://www.amazon.ca/Falling-Star-City-Hockey-Romance-ebook/dp/B0CVXHF8DL
Amazon Aus: https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B0CVXHF8DL
Add it on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/208865198-falling-for-a-star-in-the-city

Check out the playlist here

Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine: Captures the unsure feeling of falling for someone so perfectly.
Deeper Well by Kacey Musgraves: Paige becomes more introspective as her life changes and this song really plays into that as you start to become more of yourself as you do through adversity.
Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera: This song fits how Paige feels as things fall apart with Walker.
Without Me by Halsey (I listened to the version performed by Halsey & Kelsea Ballerini): This was how I imagined Paige feeling after Walker’s career took off after their breakup.
Let You Down by NF: I felt this song was something Walker would have been listening to after everything happened with Paige.
Style by Taylor Swift: This one reminded me of Walker and Paige.
Dreams by Jon Connor: This song encourages people to dream and Paige struggles as she sees her acting dream slipping away. Also, Paige and her friend Jake are both originally from Flint, Michigan (where I was born) and so is Jon Connor.
This is Called “Me” by Marina: A song about staying true to yourself and being resilient. It fits the journey that Paige is on dealing with staying true to herself while life throws her curveballs.
Take Your Time by Pebbles: A song about resilience and to keep going and not giving up. Fits Paige and her journey so well.

About the Author

Krysten Lindsay Hager is the bestselling author of the Stars in the City series, the Cecily Taylor Series, Star Series, Landry’s True Colors Series, and the standalone, Dating the It Guy. Cecily in the City recently won the Readers’ Favorite award for Best YA romance. She is also a guest host on the Michigan Avenue Media podcast.

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Krysten-Lindsay-Hager/author/B00L2JC9P2
Website: https://www.krystenlindsay.com/

Yesterday was…interesting. I had a very strict diet to follow for the PET scan this morning (they changed the appointment from late afternoon to early morning at the last minute. Yay! I don’t have to starve for long.

There was a rush of phone calls. My sister, Elle James, is coming down to Hot Springs to sit with me while I’m getting my insides all sparkly with radiation. That’ll be nice. Everything so far has been on my daughter. I feel for her.

Then, last night, the 15-year-old came to us, pulled off her shoe, and said, “I think I got stung by something.” She was bitten while she was doing my usual job of cleaning out the pool filters. From the look of the bite, with its tiny twin punctures and purplish swelling, we thought it was a tiny snake bite. Off the emergency room, she goes. She was bitten by a brown recluse. So, she was sent home without treatment to wait to see whether necrosis sets in.  She’s the most chill person in this house, so she shrugs and says, “I can live without a toe.”

Anyway, I’m up early to get my last tiny sip of water before the procedure. While I’m there for all those hours today, I’ll be thinking of this—me in the pool with the other “water baby” of the family.