The Promo Whore and Queen of the Kitchen contests continue. Read yesterday’s post for details! ~DD
The Ol’ Kabong of Life
By Carol A Strickland
Golden Corral used to run a commercial in which a tiny chef-fairy would KABONNNNGGG!! people on the back of their heads with a huge, cast-iron skillet. This reminded them that they needed to partake of a meal at said restaurant. The commercial made me wonder if only those with brain injuries would want to eat there.
I experienced my own kabong, but it was a more spiritual if just as deeply vibratory experience. You see, I hit Mid-Life.
KABONNNNGGG!!
People joke about Mid-Life Crises. Oh, isn’t it so silly when men have to have their red convertibles and mature women start to dress like teenagers in an effort to regain their youth? They’re nuts!
Yeah, it’s a laughing matter until it happens to you.
Well before my own crisis I’d taken courses at a psychic school—the kind where the classroom was in the house’s basement next to the water heater, and the teacher assumed we could all detect the cosmic energies she spoke of. There we learned that Mid-Life Crisis occurs around age 42, give or take a year or two.
At that age, the planet Uranus (pronounced: “YOUR-uh-nus,” not the “I’ve got a joke for you!” way) (my college professor explained that very carefully on our first day of astronomy class) has managed to half-complete an orbit so it stands opposite from where it was when you were born.
Uranus has to do with your life mission, what you were put on Earth to accomplish. When the planet faces its original position, it challenges your birth energy and reminds you of what is truly important. How does it do this?
With a big ol’ cast iron skillet, administered to the base of your fortyish skull.
KABONNNNGGG!!
How did it affect me? First of all, I had one of the most vivid dreams I’d ever had, full of my favorite sexy superheroes, Capt. Picard and his Enterprise, and me saving the day by being your basic Mary Sue-type character.
That darned dream stuck. I’d go to work and be almost unable to function because I couldn’t get it out of my head.
Finally, I said the heck with it, recalled that back in elementary school and college I’d written some fanfic, sat down with my (don’t laugh) used Mac IIcx, and wrote a book.
Quickly enough I decided that this would be something that I might want to publish. Bye-bye, Capt. Picard. I rearranged my superheroes so they weren’t the actual ones who appeared in the comics. (I always felt I could improve those guys anyway.) And most of all, I tried my darnedest to get rid of the Mary Sue aspects of my lead character, bless her too-perfect heart.
But Mid-Life Crisis affected me in other ways. I wanted to write more than this one book. I wanted to move. I wanted to change my name. One long week when I had writer’s block an overwhelming urge hit me to paint a big patch of blue instead.
Ransacking the back of my closets, I discovered my old college art supplies (art major here), dragged out a canvas, and by gosh, painted it flat blue.
Whew. Amazingly, I could write again. But now I also wanted to renew my interest in painting.
If Mid-Life hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. Don’t even try to fight it. You will be kabonged and you’ll never see it coming. It’ll be time to sit down and reassess your direction in life. What’s really important for you to do? What interests have you been ignoring that shouldn’t be ignored?
As for me, I finished the book. It was about 1500 pages long, and holy moly, it was a romance! I didn’t know anything about romance novels, so I joined Romance Writers of America. The book was split and reconstructed into five novels. The first volume, Touch of Danger (in which a psychic healer with a phobia meets the world’s sexiest but much-too-strong superhero), was published by Ellora’s Cave Blush. The second volume, Star-Crossed, will be out in a week or two (add three weeks if you try to find it on Amazon), and plans are to get the third volume out before the end of the year.
I now have an art business that is beginning to attract attention. That name change I wanted? Oy. That’s an entire column unto itself, so let’s just summarize and say that my non-legal new name was actually a much better name for the now non-Mary Sue character, so I gave it to her.
I did indeed move to the next town over. And it is true enough: every now and then I visit the Golden Corral. But I try to do it before that chef-fairy can brain me!
Who else here has been kabonged? What did you change in your life? Or did you stay the same? (Or do you know some folks who did pretty goofy things when they hit mid-life?) And who here is old enough to recognize the cartoon character who heads this column? There was so much kabonging that he decided to join the party.
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Carol A. Strickland is a writer, artist and Wonder Woman expert. You can visit her website www.CarolAStrickland.com to learn about her books, artwork, and more than you’d ever want to know about the Amazing Amazon. There you will find book excerpts (page link: https://www.carolastrickland.com/fiction/index.html ) and even a contest where you could win a free DVD! Her fantasy romance, Touch of Danger, and the historical romance, Burgundy and Lies, are available online in both e- and print form. Star-Crossed will be out soon.
I had tons of entries for this one, mostly from Facebook. Woohoo! It appears you all love fairies, which is a good thing, since next week’s prize features another lovely fairy gift!
I do have a winner for the journal, but she’ll be named at the bottom of this post. In the meantime, I have TWO contests to announce.
One’s more of a reminder. We’ll start there.
Contest #1—or, the Promo Whore Contest
Myla and I would appreciate your help getting the word out about our two recent self-published books, Sex Ed and Moonstruck.
What we’d love you to do for us is:
1) Tag, Star, and “Like” wherever you buy the books!
2) Review it! Please, please, please!
3) Post the cover/blurb on your blog (Ask! One of us will send you a jpeg!)
4) Most importantly, BUY them!
For our contest, we’re offering two $25 gift certificates to two lucky winners for the MOONSTRUCK blurbs and links, and a $25 gift certificate to one lucky winner for pimping SEX ED. So that’s THREE winners—and a total of $75 up for grabs!
Te be entered, you have to send us a link to where you talked about the book, posted a review, posted the cover and the blurb—BY APRIL 30th!! And you can enter multiple times, so if you’re smart, send a link for each individual posting to this address: Myla Jackson [mylajackson@earthlink.net]
Winners will be announced in Myla’s and Delilah’s May Newsletters!
Contest #2—Queen of the Kitchen Contest
I don’t cook, but I saw these and had to buy them. It’s a compulsion, I know. A mental disorder, I’m sure. But hey, you get the benefit of my illness! 🙂
I took lousy pictures, but these two pictures are of a set of measuring spoons. The handles are topped by a crown that says “Queen of the kitchen” and they have decorations all the way down. You can certainly put them to use, but you also might like to hang them from a hook in your kitchen for decoration. To win them, all you have to do is post a comment. As many as you like over the next week, on my blog and on facebook. Every entry increases your chance of winning!
Okay, back to the winner of the very pretty fairy journal… She’s Betty Lewis! Betty, email me with your snail mail address. Congratulations!
First, the genre poll is closed (see Thursday’s post)! I might do one or two more polls to get some clarification of your favorite reads, but I’ll be paying attention to what you told me. And today is the last day you have to enter the fairy journal contest (see last Tuesday’s post)! The winner will be announced tomorrow! ~DD
In just a few days, three new books will be out—one a novella, the other two collections of erotic short stories. I thought I’d give you a chance to sample them, and if you wanted, put them on pre-order so you’ll have them to enjoy as soon as possible.
You can pre-order this story today! Just click on the cover to head over the Amazon! I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure I could pull off a story that sends a couple back in time to meet the Amazons, but I surprised myself. I hope you enjoy it half as much as I did writing it! I’d love for this one to succeed so I can write more Bites!
Lieutenant Farideh Kalani expected her time-traveling assignment in ancient Scythia to be difficult, but fitting in with Amazon warriors is easy compared to being partnered with Sergeant First Class Caleb MacAvoy. The Texan soldier is infuriatingly smug and undeniably sexy. Then with one kiss, he awakens all Farideh’s desires. Now she’ll have to keep an eye on her mission and try to resist her attraction to Caleb. Because he’s the one man who might be able to breach the walls she’s built around her heart….
The same editor who brought you Fairy Tale Lust is at it again! For Dream Lover, I tried something I haven’t done before—write about creatures from the sea. You’ll have to judge whether it’s a place I should go again. 🙂
Supernaturally sensual and captivating, Dream Lover is a feast of fanciful delights. Kristina Wright, editor of the popular Fairy Tale Lust presents a potent potion of fun and sexy tales filled with male fairies and clairvoyant scientists, as well as darkly erotica tales of ghosts, shapeshifters and possession. Dream Lover asks the reader to explore the realm of the otherworldly and answer the question… who is your dream lover?
This book’s been on Amazon for a couple of weeks now, but May 1st is its official release date—the day you should be able to find it on your bookstore shelves. This one’s erotica, very inventive erotica.
The rich and slightly decadent visuals of the steam age lend themselves perfectly to the new carnality of post-punk era. And, of course, what is repressed will be even more exciting once the corset is unlaced. Steampunk, even without sex, is erotic; with sex, it’s over-the-top hot. There are brothels, flying machines, steam-powered conveyances, manor houses, spiritualist societies. The following stories afford intelligently written, beautifully crafted glimpses into other worlds, where the Carnal Machines won’t fail to seduce you, get you wet or make you hard so, lie back, relax; a happy ending is guaranteed.
Girls Who Bite was my first anthology for Cleis Press. I had so much fun reading the many entries and working with the authors that I sent in a proposal for another! On Thursday, I got the email saying they wanted it! So, here are the details for any authors or aspiring authors out there! I can’t wait to read your stories!
Editor Delilah Devlin is looking for lesbian shapeshifter stories for a romantic erotica anthology entitled Beastly Babes.
The concept of shapeshifters—beings both human and animal—ignites our imaginations with visions of primal passions and insatiable hungers. Most commonly seen as dark, masculine demons, shapeshifters are in need of a metaphysical overhaul—a new feminine/Sapphic blending of physical power and inescapable desires.
Beastly Babes will re-envision common and not-so-common myths and deliver a fresh perspective from the storytellers. Traditional lycanthropes and feline familiars are welcome, if told with a fresh twist, but writers are encouraged to imagine greater, and perhaps explore more obscure, lesser-known mythologies from around the world to create inventive tales celebrating feminine power, lust, and erotic love. Concentration primarily focuses on the lesbian relationship, although ménage and secondary m/f depictions will be permitted. Published authors with an established shapeshifter world may use that setting for their original short story.
The stories may be as kinky or vanilla as the writer wants—but a deep sensuality should linger in every word. Exotic locations and scenarios are welcome. Keep in mind there must be a romantic element with a happy-for-now or happy-ever-after ending. Strong plots, engaging characters and unique twists are the ultimate goal. Please no reprints. We are seeking original stories.
How to submit: Prepare your 1,500 to 4,500 words story in a double-spaced, Arial, 12 point, black font Word document with pages numbered (.doc, NOT.docx) OR rich text format. Indent the first line of each paragraph half an inch and double space (regular double spacing, do not add extra lines between paragraphs or do any other irregular spacing). US grammar (double quotation marks around dialogue, etc.) is required.
In your document at the top left of th epage, include your legal name (and pseudonym if applicable), mailing address, and 50 word or less bio in the third person to cleisbeastlybabe@gmail.com. If you are using a pseudonym, please provide your real name and pseudonym and make it clear which one you’d like to be credited as. Authors may submit up to 2 stories. Delilah will respond to you in October 2011. The publisher has final approval over the manuscript.
Payment will be $50.00 USD and two copies of the published book upon publication.
About the editor: Ms. Devlin has published over eighty erotic stories in multiple genres and lengths. Her published print titles include Into the Darkness, Seduced by Darkness, Darkness Captured, Down in Texas, Texas Men and Ravished by a Viking. Her short stories are featured in Zane’s Purple Panties, and Cleis Press’s Lesbian Cowboys, Girl Crush, Fairy Tale Lust, Lesbian Lust, Passion, Carnal Machines, and Dream Lovers. She is published by Avon, Kensington, Harlequin, Atria/Strebor, Ellora’s Cave, Samhain Publishing, and Berkley. In Fall 2011, she debuts her first anthology with Cleis Press, Girls Who Bite.
Direct any questions you have regarding your story or the submission process to Delilah at cleisbeastlybabe@gmail.com.
NOTE: If I receive the submission early enough and like it but it’s not quite right, there may be a chance to revise and resubmit. The key is to get the story in early!! DD
The genre poll ends tomorrow (see Thursday’s post for details). And the fairy journal contest (Tuesday’s entry) continues, so be sure to post today!
Humor’s always tough to write. It’s all the pacing of the scene. Also, humor doesn’t translate across cultures very well. So what’s funny to one person won’t be to another. I don’t worry about all that crap and usually just let go. The last time I wrote something that left me giggling hysterically was this little scene. Hope you enjoy it half as much. ~DD
“Ms. Devlin will have readers laughing one minute and screaming the next… Bad, Bad Girlfriend is a witty, heart pounding smoking hot read that is a must have.” 5 Angels, Fallen Angels
“Bad, Bad Girlfriend is just plain fun!… A great quickie from a great author.” 5 Stars, Just Erotic Romance
“My emotions ran wild while reading Bad, Bad Girlfriend… Don’t miss this mischievous woman’s attempts to secure her man’s love. I had a fantastic time reading Jolie and Gabe’s story.” 5 Silver Dragons, Veiled Secrets Reviews
Expect magic when one determined woman dons a legendary pair of red stilettos and bares body and heart to get her man’s attention…
Jolene’s a big, beautiful woman with an even bigger heart. But she’s become her police officer boyfriend’s favorite doormat and that’s so not working for her. It’s time for a little conversation, time to tell Mr. Happy Pants to “pee or get off the pot”.
Gabriel has seen what his profession does to marriages. He’s not willing to risk that kind of heartbreak. Besides, he likes what he has with Jolene. The woman is sex personified. So when Jolie tells him she won’t see him anymore if he’s not willing to commit, he’s shocked and angry.
With a girlfriend’s encouragement and the added confidence a certain pair of red stilettos gives her, Jolene arranges a special show at a strip club to prove to Gabe once and for all that she’s more woman than any man can handle, and if he doesn’t want the job, then she’ll find another lover who does.
Jolie heard the music, tried to catch the beat, but she’d never been so scared, so embarrassed in her life.
She knew she’d made a huge mistake the minute she’d entered the stripper’s dressing room. Lexie had ushered her in after Guppy, the skinny, bespectacled manager of the strip club, let them in the back door and showed them to the women’s dressing room. She already wore her costume under a tightly belted trench coat, but getting her first up-close look at the other women awaiting their turns on the stage made her lose her nerve.
She turned back toward the exit.
Lexie stood behind her, her arms crossed over her chest. “No you don’t. Not after I paid him a hundred dollars to let you do this!”
“You paid him?”
Lexie shrugged. “He prefers professionals, but he’s not above a bribe.”
The fairy journal contest continues. See Tuesday’s post for details. But be sure to post a comment here today for another chance to win! ~DD
Just a little inspiration to get you through the day. Sometimes, the eyes have it. 😉
Very interesting poll results…. Does it mean you don’t want more cowboys from me? Darn. But yay, for historical with paranormal aspects. I’d like to write more stories in the vein of First Knight. However, the poll doesn’t close for several more days. Things may change.
After being smothered in kids and dogs for days, I have a bit of room this morning to CLEAN HOUSE. It smells funky. Wet dog, mildew—we’ve had a very stormy week. More coming tonight as well. But I can’t wait until tomorrow to tackle some chores. Or maybe my anxiety is due to the fact I’ve found another way NOT to write.
We had another round of severe weather last night. The power popped off and on. Internet was hosed for hours! So I’m preposting this late Wednesday night so that there’s something there for you today (Thursday!). Remember! The contest for the journal continues. If you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, check out the post from two days ago.
I’ll be away until this afternoon. I’m hoping those flash flood warnings are more of a guideline than actual fact. I have to get to Little Rock for a doctor’s appointment. Ugh. I’m hoping it’s just a listen to my heart and any complaints I have. Maybe she’ll give me some kick-ass antibiotics to get rid of this respiratory infection I’ve had since the RT convention.
Maybe it’s me being lazy, but I’m going to make you do the thinking today. I’m running an unofficial poll, something I might use for my own project planning purposes. You may vote for two answers, and the poll closes Sunday!
Be sure to post a comment to let me know that you were here so that you’ll be entered in the contest for the fairy journal!
What genre of erotic romance would you like to see more of?
Golden Corral used to run a commercial in which a tiny chef-fairy would KABONNNNGGG!! people on the back of their heads with a huge, cast-iron skillet. This reminded them that they needed to partake of a meal at said restaurant. The commercial made me wonder if only those with brain injuries would want to eat there.
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