So you might be wondering, why is “Bisexual Day of Visibility” (Sept. 23) is a big deal? The short answer is that invisibility is actually a problem for bisexuals like me and for bisexual characters in my books. If you really believe “love is love,” that means everyone deserves a happily-ever-after, but bisexuals (and pansexuals) are often overlooked, ignored, or forgotten. To fight that, we have to find positive ways to include and represent bi characters.
Bisexuality typically means a person could be attracted to any gender. But when we are seen with an opposite-sex partner, people assume we’re straight, and when we’re with a same-sex partner, people assume we’re gay or lesbian. In real life, unless you’re literally in the midst of a threesome, or wearing a T-shirt that says “No One Knows I’m Bisexual,” no one knows you’re bisexual.
Even after you’ve told people, they’ll often “forget.” I’ve been a bi activist for over 30 years, I’ve been published in Best Bisexual Erotica and Best Bi Short Stories, and I’ve won a Bisexual Book Award, and people I’ve known for decades will still forget I’m bi, because if people aren’t given constant reminders, the weight of binary assumptions (“everyone is gay or straight”) exerts a gravitational force on people’s perceptions.
Same goes for fictional bisexuals. My policy in my books is that every character is bisexual unless proven otherwise, but sometimes the subject just doesn’t come up. I sometimes try to make it obvious. For example, I once wrote a bisexual rock star hero who was obviously based on David Bowie, who mentions a male ex-lover at one point, and who drops various other hints, but I am certain that most readers never thought of him as anything but het. This was the hero of probably my best-known book, James in Slow Surrender. I thought James being bi was obvious, but apparently, I was too subtle.
Karina, James’s submissive, is also bi, she’s just inexperienced. Slow Surrender really delves into the development of the erotic relationship between the two of them. While I was writing the book, a scene just for the sake of splashing their bisexual identities on the page felt like a side trip. But if I were going to rewrite that book today, I would have probably included a scene to make their bi natures more visible. Maybe at a play party where they get together with another couple?
Sometimes even a foursome isn’t enough, though! There’s a scene in Magic University, my “grown up” magic school series, where our hero and his then-girlfriend end up in a foursome with two other students. A fanfic writer pointed out to me when that book came out, though, that Kyle and the other guy in the scene are not described touching each other or kissing. That was totally an unintentional omission on my part (it’s a short scene). I didn’t think Kyle’s bisexuality was in question, but apparently, some readers felt that him declaring in book two that he could meet the bisexuality prerequisite for majoring in sex magic wasn’t enough “proof.” (Um, no spoilers, but… books three and four do eventually provide plenty of proof!)
So, what can you do to try to prevent bi erasure and bi invisibility in your book? Here are a few suggestions for do’s and don’ts.
Do use the “b word” at some point early in the character’s arc. I probably should have argued for the word “bisexual” to actually be included in Slow Surrender somewhere—at the time, my editor had said they tried to avoid “label words” in their romances. (Then again, this editor also didn’t want me to ever use the word “crotch”…? Is there something wrong with that word that I don’t know?) If not “bisexual,” then at least use “bi.”
Second, when a character reminisces about old relationships, have at least one of those relationships be the “proof”—especially if that relationship is remembered fondly! You don’t want it to seem like they had a bad experience and this is why now they are looking for the opposite. You risk it seeming like they think bisexuality was a mistake that they are going to “fix” with their current love interest. That wouldn’t be “good” representation. This also might make it seem like they had a “bi phase” that is over now. Unfortunately, “it’s just a phase” is one of the popular myths about bisexuality we need to fight.
Third, when the love interest hears about a previous bi relationship, have it be no big deal. I know, I know, you’d think it would be more “memorable” if they flip out about it, but again, the goal is to have healthy and positive representations of bisexuality and bi characters. I do not think it’s a positive thing if their love interest has to “get over” them being bi.
Definitely DON’T decide to demonstrate that a character is bi by having them cheat. That’s another one of those dangerous stereotypes. Bisexuals do NOT actually cheat any more often than monosexuals, but the myth persists. Don’t fall into that cliché. Related to that cliché is the “anything that moves” stereotype bisexual/pansexual. (Think Captain Jack Harkness.) I’ve written plenty of this type of bi, but they’re not typical. Probably the one with the most depth is Ziggy, the lead singer in Daron’s Guitar Chronicles, who has a lot of inappropriate sex with all kinds of people. He is a rock star, after all. Ultimately what Ziggy comes to learn, though, is that sex and love are not the same… and that’s a key thing to keep in mind when writing bi characters in a romance.
One other don’t: just because your bi character ultimately settles down in a monogamous relationship doesn’t change them from bi to gay or straight. They’re still bi! They don’t get “converted” to being monosexual just because they are monogamous. Sexual identity is about who people are, not what people do.
Thanks for reading my tips for Bisexual Visibility Day! If you have recommendations of books that have positive representations of bi characters in them, I’d love to hear what they are!
About the Author
Cecilia Tan is an award-winning writer of passionate fiction, romance, and erotica. She has written over 30 novels, including the Magic University series, the collection Black Feathers, and many other books. She was inducted into the LGBT Writers and Editors Hall of Fame in 2010. RT Book Reviews awarded her Career Achievement in Erotic Romance in 2015 and her novel Slow Surrender (Hachette/Forever, 2013) won RT Reviewers Choice and the Maggie Award.
LINKS to books mentioned:
Slow Surrender
Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/1960/9781455529278
Amazon: https://amzn.to/4dlg6h2
Magic University
Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/1960/9781626011175
Amazon: https://amzn.to/3yB9HiM
Daron’s Guitar Chronicles
Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/1960/9781963897012
Amazon: https://amzn.to/3yEiEYD
