It’s nearly Christmas, and of course, the twelve days of Christmas comes to mind, and with that, here are Twelve Things a writer most dreads (Sing to the tune of “A Partridge in a Pear Tree”…).

1) Rejection letters from agents.
Even if the note is just a simple “No thank you,” we see this:
“Dear Author,
Please stop sending me your hackneyed prose. Your stories suck. I hope you have another job, because writing just ain’t it. If I sold writing like yours, I’d be the laughing-stock of my profession. Please, for my sake and yours, stop querying me. “

2) Rejection letters from publishers.
Again, our imagination tends to see things in a darker light…
“Dear Author,
Just because we publish several of your online writing buddies, and just because your favorite author in the whole world is in our stable of authors, that doesn’t mean you are welcome. As a matter of fact, if it were Christmas eve and ours was the only stable in town, and you were pregnant and riding on a donkey – we still wouldn’t take you. Do us and the publishing world a big favor – take up bird watching.”

3) Typos in submission letters.
Dear Agnet,
Dare Agent,
Deer Anget,
I’d like to submit my story, “Angles on Crusade…”
I’d like to sumbit by story,
Sincely yours,
Sincerey yours,
Jenfiner
Jennifre

4) Typos in our finished and FINALLY published books:
Page 34: Instead of the Gulf of Mexico, it reads the Golf of Mexico…

5) Readers picking up on our little typos.
“Dear ex-favorite author. I read your latest story. Where the f%*@! is the Golf of Mexico? Do you mean the one in Tijuana, the Golf del Sur? Or did you mean the one in Cancun – the Country club and Golf Verdez? In any case, it makes no sense. I’m through reading your books. An ex-fan.

6) Having nobody read our books.
“Dear Author – here is your royalty statement for the year 2006 / 2007:
You sold 0 copies
Your royalties are 0.00$

7) The Advance that Just Won’t Go Away.
“Dear Author. Your advance was 1000$. You sold 0.00$ this year. You still owe us 1000$ on your advance against royalties. It will be a cold day in Hell before we sign another contract with you.

8) A Negative Review:
“The Tell Tale Tart by Jennifer Macaire – ZERO STARS! Where to begin? Well, it was hard enough to get into, and I barely got to the end – I only threw the book against the wall 86 times, and it’s a novella, folks. The heroine, Janice, who is an ex-prostitute, makes having the stomach flu seem fun, and the hero, Mike, the man who tries to “save” her, really should be locked up somewhere in a maximum security prison for eternity. The good news is, it’s practically a short story. The bad news is it cost me 4.95$ as a used book on Amazon. This was the worst piece of trash I’ve ever read. Don’t even bother taking it out of the library.” Nancy the usually really Nice reviewer for Rarin’ to Read Reviews

9) Trying to find a quote to use from a negative review.
“The Tell Tale Tart…The heroine Janice…fun…the hero Mike…eternity. Good News.”

10) Plagiarism
Finding out someone has plagiarized your book, taken your characters and given them slightly different names, changed the title a bit, but kept the plot! “The Whole Hale Heart” by M. Desforges, a love story about Jane, and ex-call girl and Mark, the man who wants to give her a new life.

11) Finding out the ‘OTHER’ book gets a five-star review and lands on the NYT best seller list.
“…I can’t say enough good things about Ms. Desforges new book. Her fresh new writing makes the wonderful characters come to life. I want to spend my entire life reading more books about Mark and Jane. Fabulous. Highly recommended.” Nancy the really Nice reviewer for Rarin’ to Read Reviews

12) Success. Because then you have to write another book just as good!

 I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! I just got some great news – “Murder and Mayhem” just won the Reader’s Choice award for the best urban fantasy 2015 at Evernight Publishing. It’s a mystery tale with a dose of romance and a zest of humor. If you liked Buffy the Vampire slayer, you’ll enjoy May, the vampire killer.

Meet May, the vampire killer. She’s quick, clever, and deadly, and she takes life very seriously having been killed once before by a mob of rogue vamps. Her father, a powerful necromancer, brought her back to life. She’s M.U.C.I.’s (Mutant and Undead Criminal Investigation) best man, er, woman, well, zombie actually, for catching and killing rogue vampires, so when two kids show up with all the signs of having been killed by a rogue, May gets the case.

Clues lead straight to a certain Bartholomew Aelfrith, a vampire, whose sense of humor and tall blond good looks are enough to convince May he needs killing, even if he’s not the killer. If he makes one more joke about her chop-sticks, she’s going to stab him through the heart with one. The problem is, Bartholomew is probably the only person who can catch the real killer, so May has to put up with his insouciance and his wise-cracks, and his penchant for picking up strays of all kinds.

But if he says, “I’ve got a plan” one more time, she’s going to scream.

Buy the book at Evernight Publishing

May’s traditional zombie stir fry recipe: Honey Lemon Chicken and Asparagus

Serves 4

Ingredients:
1 tablespoon oil
1 pound chicken, cut into bite sized pieces
1 pound asparagus, trimmed and cut into 1 inch pieces
2 tablespoons honey
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon zest
2 tablespoons soy sauce (reduced sodium)
1/4 cup chicken both – (May uses chicken bullion cubes)
1 teaspoon chilli sauce or a pinch of cayennne pepper
1 clove garlic, grated
1 teaspoon ginger, grated
1 tablespoon water
2 teaspoons cornstarch

Directions:

– Mix honey, lemon juice, soy sauce, broth, chill sauce, lemon zest, garlic, ginger and set aside in a bowl.

– Heat the oil in a pan over medium-high heat, add the chicken and stir fry until cooked through and browned a bit.

– Add the asparagus and stir fry until it turns a brighter green, about 2 minutes.

– Add the honey, lemon juice mixture, stir

– Whisk the water with the corn starch, stir in to coat and cook until the sauce thickens, about a minute.

Serve over rice. (May likes to drink ginger beer with this, and finish up with lychees and her father’s smoky moon-shadow tea.)

Jennifer Macaire’s website
Email Jennifer

Lots of writers get asked where their ideas come from. I am not one of those fortunate writers that get their inspiration from dreams or characters that speak to them until their novel is done. It’s a little disappointing because those types of eureka experiences are so much more creative than my random sparks of inspiration. Those little nuggets don’t always arrive in the most convenient fashion.

Once I was riding in the car listening to an NPR broadcast. Something about the story resonated with me. An idea began to formulate. The electric current of my vision seized me. I couldn’t wait to get home to write the idea down. By the time I arrived it had left as quickly as it had come and I couldn’t remember the content of the broadcast to bring it back. Note to self: always carry a notepad to write the idea down.

Sometimes the ideas happen collectively. The inspiration for my Martini Club 4 novella Runaway happened this way. The genesis of Runaway was a result of a collaboration between me and three of my friends. For some time, we had been meeting at the Martini Lounge for drinks, socializing and to discuss our writing journey.  Somewhere along the way, we decided to write novellas set in the 1920’s prohibition era. Soon thereafter, we came up with the concept of four women fleeing England for New York and ending up embroiled in the activities of a local speakeasy. Each of us wrote the story of one of the young ladies from across the pond. My character, Charlotte (Charli) Leighton, is running from an arranged marriage and has dreams of becoming a baker. She is loosely based on my eldest daughter who has a passion for is baking. It was a challenge to keep Charli’s story in synch with the other three characters but it was fun collaborating and creating this world with my friends.

Sometimes my ideas come from simple desperation. When I started writing again, I was told over and over again to write what I know. This comment always happened when I told my friends and family I wanted to write paranormal/science fiction romance. I have always been fascinated by science. Whenever I hear about a new discovery, my mind reals about the possibilities and how that discovery can be applied to my writing. But I am not a scientist. I’m an attorney. More specifically, I am a Guardian Ad Litem who represents abused and neglected children in divorce proceedings. In my cases, the mother and father fight through their children, twist the truth for their children, hurt their children and abandon their children. Not very uplifting stuff. It was part of the reason I started writing again so I could create worlds apart from my day job. I was sure my job contained no backdrop for a romance.

One day it occurred to me the largest frustrations of my job is identifying family dysfunction and having so few resources to help the families into healthy relationships with each other. Counseling was only as useful as the parent’s willingness to change. Court orders only worked if the aggrieved party had the financial resources to enforce them. Wouldn’t it be nice if a Guardian Ad Litem had the ability to heal them and make them better people?  Nikki Angelus has that ability in Shadow Dancer. Her power doesn’t come without cost but it wasn’t as hard to write about a Guardian Ad Litem as I originally thought.

Now I’d like to hear from you. What paranormal elements do you think are overdone? What paranormal elements would you like to see in a novel?

That’s all I have for now. Thank you for reading my post.

Krysta Scott

Runaway: Martini Club 4 the 1920’s available on Amazon
Shadow Dancer coming soon from The Wild Rose Press

Facebook: www.facebook.com/krysta.scott.9
Website: www.krystascottauthor.com
Twitter:@Krysta_Scott

Happy holidays!

I love this time of year because of all the festivities, the food, and especially the chance to revive traditions. For us, that includes listening to Christmas carols, watching holiday movies, and bringing out boxes and boxes of decorations.

One of the first boxes we open each year is the one with our Christmas mugs. We have a tradition of using them near Thanksgiving to start the season off right. They provide just a little reminder each morning – and during the rest of the day – that good times are on the way. They also make us think of all the other traditions we love.

For us, and probably for many people, the biggest decorating tradition is, of course, trimming the tree. We used to do that the day after Thanksgiving as we didn’t have much free time from then on. Now I work from home, we can usually wait until closer to the holiday.  But no matter when we do it, it’s the same special event every year.

My husband does the lights, I do the tinsel, and between those two chores, we put up the ornaments – while we keep our Christmas mugs of hot chocolate handy!

I don’t know about you, but we have certain ornaments that have to go in certain places, like the First Christmas Together ornament my mom and dad gave us when we were married. The photo-frame ornament that has a family picture on the front of it. The little beaded angel, about an inch tall, that I once bought at a Christmas craft sale.

Each ornament is special it its own way and evokes so many memories – which is what tradition is all about, isn’t it?

Have you got a family tradition or decoration you look forward to every year?

In a couple of my books, the hero and heroine get wrapped up in Christmas festivities whether they want to or not – and unfortunately for them, they don’t.

In my brand-new release, The Lawman’s Christmas Proposal, Andi and Mitch have agreed to a fake engagement for the holidays to escape her scheming, matchmaking grandpa. But in this scene where they’re decorating the family tree at the Hitching Post Hotel, the closeness becomes too much for her:
Andi didn’t know how she was going to make it through another minute of being around Mitch. She had had as much as she could take of seeing his smile, of hearing his laugh. He had done a lot of both during lunch in the dining room, then even more since they had spent the afternoon in the sitting room decorating the tree.

“Cole,” he said now, “you call yourself a wrangler? I could’ve done a better job of roping and tying that garland to the tree, and I haven’t worked this ranch in years.”

He sat on the couch with Missy on his knee and the boys and Rachel close by on the floor near his feet. All afternoon, he had talked with them and teased them and treated them as if they were his own kids.

She’d had enough of keeping up pretenses in front of her family. But he continued playing his role. He had brought her into conversations, too, when she would rather have been quiet. He had taken every chance available to put his arm around her. He had smiled at her like a man in love.

It all made her heart hurt.

In my earlier Christmas book, Court Me, Cowboy, it’s the hero who has a lot at stake in the tree-decorating scene. His ex-wife recently showed up on his doorstep to tell him they have a baby on the way. And he’s trying to get through the holidays without upsetting her so she’ll l allow him future contact with his child…

He frowned, a heartbeat away from backing out on this crazy idea. Pride pushed him forward. He took a long deep breath and let it out slowly. “Look, what I’m asking for is a truce. Why don’t we just start over again, like you said the other night.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re serious?”

“Darn right, I’m serious.”

Judging by the way her fingers twisted themselves together, she didn’t entirely believe him.

“Come on,” he urged, waving toward the corner of the room. “We’ve got a tree over there needs decorating, so why don’t we just start with that, see how it goes?”

“Well. . .I guess we could try it.”

A mite begrudging, but he’d take what he could get.

“Good.” He headed to the tree before she could change her mind. “I’ll get going on the lights.”

She moved to sit cross-legged on the floor and began threading silver hangers onto ornaments. She focused on her work, not looking at him, but her mouth had curved upward at the corners in the sexy smile guaranteed to get him hot. His fist tightened, driving a star-shaped light into his palm. He barely noticed.

She was so damn beautiful.

And he’d promised not to touch her.

*~*~*

I hope you’ve enjoyed the clips.

To celebrate the holiday, I’m giving away an autographed print copy of one of my available backlist titles (US mailing addresses only, please). To get your name in the hat:  share a special holiday tradition with us.

Leave your comment by Friday, and a winner’s name will be posted in the comments over the weekend.

Again, happy holidays to everyone!

*~*~*

About the Author:

Barbara White Daille lives with her husband in the sunny Southwest. Though they love the warm winters and the lizards in their front yard, they haven’t gotten used to the scorpions in the bathroom.

Barbara’s new series, The Hitching Post Hotel, features a matchmaking grandpa determined to see his three granddaughters wed. The series began with The Cowboy’s Little Surprise and A Rancher of Her Own, and The Lawman’s Christmas Proposal debuts today. Additional books in the series will be coming up next year.

Find Barbara online:

Website  https://www.barbarawhitedaille.com
Newsletter  https://www.barbarawhitedaille.com/newsletter
Twitter  https://twitter.com/BarbaraWDaille
Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/barbarawhitedaille

The Lawman’s Christmas Proposal:
Amazon  Barnes & Noble  Books-A-Million
Harlequin  IndieBound  Kobo

Court Me, Cowboy:
Amazon  https://www.amzn.com/B00EM36HD0
Barnes & Noble  https://bit.ly/BarnesandNoble-CourtMeCowboy
Harlequin  https://www.harlequin.com/storeitem.html?iid=28380

Who’s your favorite female author? Can you pick just one?

Do you tend to read more books written by men or women? If you’re reading this romance-themed blog, it’s likely women–and probably romance.  But among all genres this simply isn’t the case.

Last year British author Joanna Walsh coined the hashtag #ReadWomen2014 and designed this postcard featuring her favorite female authors.

Walsh wrote “…although women read more than men, and books by female authors are published in roughly the same numbers, they are more easily overlooked.” She said female authors are marginalized “by top literary journals, both as reviewers and the reviewed.”

A recent Goodreads survey indicated readers prefer books written by their own sex, but that readers of female-penned books were 80% female, while for male writers it was 50/50. In essence, far fewer men read books written by both women and men.

These statements may come as no surprise to you.  Certainly, female authors (and readers) dominate the romance genre. But it’s a good reminder this holiday book buying season to support other women, and women writers

Believe me, we appreciate the support!

*~*~*

Jen Crane recently released the first two books in the scorching new Descended of Dragons series. Book two, Origin Exposed, was selected by iTunes/iBooks as “Our Pick” in Fantasy/Sci-Fi.

Rare Form
Descended of Dragons, Book 1
Amazon: https://bit.ly/RFAmazonBuylink
B&N: https://bit.ly/RFBNBuylink
iTunes: https://bit.ly/RFiBooksBuylink
Kobo: https://bit.ly/RFKoboBuylink

A Secret Past

Fiery redhead Stella Stonewall can’t decide between a margarita and a manhattan.
The rest of her life? Please. Stella has never really fit in, and her pretty world comes crashing down when she learns it was never her world at all.

Rowan Gresham is domineering, brooding, and as sexy as chocolate-dipped sin. When he transports Stella to the magical realm of her parents she recognizes her rightful place immediately. Gresham’s motivations are less clear.

A Scorching Chemistry

The enigmatic Gresham aids in Stella’s metamorphosis and their chemistry ignites, though a long-time girlfriend and a significant age difference stand in the way.

A Battle for the Rest of Her Life

Stella’s life fast-tracks to extraordinary when she enrolls at Radix Citadel for Supernatural Learning, an enchanted college whose students turn furry on the regular. As Stella learns to navigate the magical new world of Thayer she must also find her animal form, a task as elusive as her ancestry. Stella soon faces an even greater challenge: staying alive long enough to learn to manipulate an animal form she never knew she possessed.

Origin Exposed
Descended of Dragons, Book 2
Amazon: https://bit.ly/OEAmazonBuylink
B&N: https://bit.ly/OEBNBuylink
iTunes: https://bit.ly/OEiBooksBuylink
Kobo: https://bit.ly/OEKoboBuylink

A Dangerous Secret

In fiery redhead Stella Stonewall’s new world magic and shape-shifters are everyday life. Scales, sorcery, shifters—no big. Stella has learned she’s not only descended of dragons, but of powerful skin changers. She struggles to keep this rare form a secret, even from her closest friends.

A Bitter Betrayal

Stella turns to her mentor Rowan Gresham for help. The charming but enigmatic Gresham forms a plan to improve her troublesome public image. The problem? The plan revolves around betraying the only family she has left.

A Potential for Something Real

When Gresham’s motives come into question Stella must rely on the new friends she’s made at a college for magical shifters. The feral bunch helps set Stella’s inner beast free. As these friendships flourish, so does the magnetism she’s always felt toward fierce and noble Ewan Bristol. But it’s so strong it threatens to overwhelm her.

Can Stella afford to open her heart now, when her entire future’s at stake, or is it bolted shut for eternity?

About the Author

Though she grew up on a working cattle ranch, Jen Crane has been into fantasy and sci-fi since seeing a bootleg tape of Quantum Leap.

She has a master’s degree, and solid work histories in government and non-profit administration. She’s been published in reputable newspapers and magazines. But just in the nick of time she pronounced life too real for nonfiction. She now creates alternate realms filled with adventure, magic, and love.

Jen is happily living out her dream in The South with her husband and three children, striking that delicate balance between inspiration and frustration.

Find Jen Crane online
Website: www.JenCraneBooks.com
FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr: JenCraneBooks

As you can tell, I’m a big fan of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I’ve seen the Johnny Depp version, but it’s the classic that keeps me coming back.

But, the title says it all. I have so much to do and such little time. I have a new release coming out on the 14th called Strained, which I’m Snoopy-dancing about. At the same time, I’m working on a trilogy, though all of the books are novella-length. I’m also releasing another book later this month under my other pen name. My world is filled with books and I love it. Speaking of which, I need to write up a review for a really cool anthology I read recently.

On top of that, there’s also the lovely holidays and preparation for that. I have to order the kiddo’s presents and make like they came from Santa. I have gifts to order for my nieces and nephews, too. I also have to figure out what kind of dish we’re bringing to my grandmother’s house for Christmas, in addition to what she wants under her tree other than a tree skirt. There are also the bills that will never go away, the possibility that we’ll have to look for a new house come February, and making sure there’s enough money in the budget for everything.

Now as for my desires, more time in the day to do everything I want. I know that’s not going to happen, so I might as well settle for a cup of delicious French Vanilla Cappuccino and let the chips fall where they may. At the same time, I’m going to pick up a good book and snuggle in front of a fireplace somewhere. If the house burns down around me, oh well. At least I’ll be happy and warm.

So I’m curious, despite everything hectic going on in your life right now (or not), how are you planning to enjoy yourself, more so than the holidays?

Thanks for stopping by. Always feel free to hangout in my cozy corner of the Internet at www.marciacolette.com or my blog at marciacolette.wordpress.com.

The secret to a healthy marriage: shoot first and ask question later.

Alexa is keeping a secret from her husband and being half werewolf isn’t it. After all, he’s a full-blood and doesn’t care that there are those who think their union is an abomination. Despite their abnormalities, the Yorks have settled into suburbia and gone out of their way to look like the couple next door.

Their rouse may have fooled an entire community, but not the Georgia Pack. The Yorks have encroached on their territory. Most interlopers end up dead, especially when the bounties on their heads invite stalkers, killers, and psychos to collect. Despite the trouble the Yorks have brought with them, the domestic suburbanites have intrigued the pack.

Alexa’s less domestic than she seems. Eight months ago, her bounty hunting club disbanded after several team members lost their lives in an ambush. Since then, the club has reemerged and is expecting Alexa to take her rightful place among the ranks.

Keeping the truth from her husband about her extracurricular activities will strain the Yorks’ marriage and risk everything they’ve worked hard for. But, that’s the price Alexa pays when her deception becomes deadlier than her aim. A deception that also keeps her alive.

I’ve written six series so far, plus a collection of books that takes place in my fictional town of Lanville, Texas, and another collection that is set at fictional North Texas Highland Hospital. I love revisiting my characters to let my readers know what those characters are doing ever since they received a happy ending in their own books.

My latest series—Anything Goes, about a sex club on the outskirts of Dallas, Texas—currently has five books in it. The idea for the first book—Anything Goes—literally popped into my head as I approached my birthday. I thought, what about a woman who’s recently gone through a divorce and wants to do something wild and crazy on her birthday? That idea turned into my heroine visiting Anything Goes, where she discovers the man she’s secretly cared about for years is one of the owners.

The 5th book—Three’s Perfect—is about two men who have gone through bad relationships, so are reluctant to get involved again. But love can find you when you least expect it.

Here’s a little taste of Three’s Perfect. I hope you enjoy it.

Sean sat back in his chair, at a loss as to what to say next. His friend had gotten married at a sex club. Sean had been out of town visiting his parents in Seattle when Gabe and Debra married. He’d hated missing their wedding, but his mother would’ve hurt him severely if he hadn’t gone home for Christmas and New Year’s.

He’d assumed the couple got married at a church or special wedding venue. Finding out his friend’s wedding had been at Anything Goes made him doubly sorry he’d missed the ceremony.

Sean cleared his throat so he could speak clearly again. “You and Debra had your wedding at a sex club?”

Gabe nodded. “Lisa Cline, one of the owners, works with Debra at the hospital. She offered the club as the venue, which included all the food, decorations, and a three-tier cake. We couldn’t say no to such generosity.”

“So, what’s it like in there?” He propped one elbow on the island, rested his temple against his fist. “I’ve heard it really is anything goes.”

“Like I said, I’ve never been a customer, but Lisa has told Debra about the club. If you can think of a sex act you want, you can do it there. Including bondage.”

Sean’s cock gave an interested leap at the mention of bondage. He’d never done that with a lover, but it had always been in the back of his mind as interesting to try.

“Want to go?” Gabe asked.

“I’ve heard it’s a closed membership.”

“I can get you an invitation as a guest.”

“Do you know if there will be other gays there?”

Gabe nodded again. “Lisa told Debra and me that several of the attendants are bi or willing to play with the same sex. Plus, a lot of the members like same-gender sex. There’s a huge play area where anyone can play with anyone. Or if you meet a member or guest you want to be with, there are private rooms available. You won’t leave unsatisfied.”

The thought tempted Sean. An evening of sex with someone—or someones—he’d never have to see again. No danger of having his heart trampled. Nothing but pleasure without any expectations of starting a relationship. “You really can get me an invitation?”

“Sure. Lisa is a good friend. So is her brother, Alex. They own the club together. Either of them would give you an invitation in a second. The club is open Friday and Saturday nights. I can get you an invitation for either day this week. As your doctor, I can verify that you don’t have any nasty STDs.”

Gabe held up one hand, stopping Sean before he spoke again. “Before you ask, everyone is tested yearly. All attendants, members, and guests have to supply a medical report proving they’re clean. The club provides condoms, and all the men are required to wear them.”

After five years with Mason, it would be weird to use condoms again. Sean loved the feeling of a guy’s cock sliding into his ass without any kind of barrier between them. However, he knew that could never happen with someone he barely knew. Common sense had to prevail over hormones.

“Do you want to go this weekend?” Gabe asked.

Why not? Maybe an evening of hot sex will wake up my muse. “Yeah. Set me up for Friday night.”

* * * * *

Lynn

Find out more about my series and connected books by visiting the special page on my website:
https://lynnlafleur.com/home/series-connected-books/

For many of us, the holidays are a time to reconnect with family, particularly if we don’t live near one another.  Our family is no exception to this, with folks scattered all over the States.  We were fortunate enough to be able to gather this Thanksgiving in Philadelphia and I couldn’t be happier.  It’s been a couple of holidays since I got to see everyone, and that made it even better.

It’s funny how moving and job churn can affect family time, isn’t it?

Well, okay, “funny” isn’t really the word, but I digress.

I got to connect with my sister-in-law, the lovely L…  She and I decided that we needed to make some cocktails and talked her husband into taking us to the grocery store.

On Black Friday.

Side note – I am not, in any way, shape, or form, a “shopper.”  In fact, I loathe the entire process and have been known to have anxiety attacks in front of the cucumber display.

Here, then, are some tips on surviving the market on days when every shopper, whether they like shopping or not, seems to decide simultaneously that they absolutely must try to disprove the law of physics that says two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

First, know what you want.  Wandering around the aisles to browse means that you will probably get run over by people like me who are panickedatthethoughtofbeinginthestorewithyouandjustwanttheirstuffthankx.

Second, leave the family confab at home.  Now is not the time to clog the aisle of the Bloody Mary Mix and try to work out the solution to Life, the Universe, and Everything.

Third, I love my brother-in-law.  But one bottle of Bloody Mary Mix isn’t enough for ME, let alone several of us.  Be prepared, Boy Scout.  Buy more than one.

Fourth, you put celery salt in Bloody Marys, according to the lovely L…  And yes.  It’s as good as it sounds.

Fifth, when you leave the grocery store parking lot, getting your mini-van turned perpendicularly to everyone else, and the flow of traffic, is dumb.  Don’t do that.  Any more.

Yes, lady, I’m looking at you.  You know who you are.

And sixth, if you absolutely must head out on Black Friday, take an awesome sister-in-law with you and come home with vodka to which you add stuff.  It’ll make you a whole lot calmer about this whole thing called shopping.

Now.  Where did I put the celery salt?

Question for you, Dear Reader:  what do you like in your Bloody Mary?  Or, if that’s not your poison, what’s your favorite cocktail?